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We Solve The City's Problems 

Somebody has to. Why not us?

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Our Affordable Housing Plan: Move to Oakland.

Energy: Turbines powered by one of San Francisco's greatest natural resources — sanctimoniousness. One issue of the Bay Guardian could power the Tenderloin for a month. Two months, if it has a guest editorial by Chris Daly.

Energy, Pt. II: In addition to using used grease from restaurants to power Muni buses, also salvage used grease from Gavin Newsom's hair.

Muni: Increase ridership with "Throw Momma From the Train Tuesdays" promotion.

Homelessness: Start a rumor that Berkeley has an extra cigarette.

Childhood Obesity: 8 a.m. dodgeball sessions with Coach Chris Daly.

Crime: Here's a radical idea — actually solve homicides.

Gay Marriage: If Prop. 8 wins, secede from the United States and declare ourselves the independent nation of Homoslavia or Lesbianastan.

The Economy: Encourage people to eat out with a burrito-focused stimulus package in which residents get a free meal at El Farolito paid for by the city. (Sorry, guac is still extra.)

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  • clipping at Brava Theater Sept. 11
    Sub Pop recording artists 'clipping.' brought their brand of noise-driven experimental hip hop to the closing night of 2016's San Francisco Electronic Music Fest this past Sunday. The packed Brava Theater hosted an initially seated crowd that ended the night jumping and dancing against the front of the stage. The trio performed a set focused on their recently released Sci-Fi Horror concept album, 'Splendor & Misery', then delved into their dancier and more aggressive back catalogue, and recent single 'Wriggle'. Opening performances included local experimental electronic duo 'Tujurikkuja' and computer music artist 'Madalyn Merkey.'"