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The Snatch: Working the Fields Under God's All-Recording Eye 

Wednesday, Jan 29 2014
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The Wheat and the Chat

Just 108 years after San Francisco was reduced to rubble by a cataclysmic act of God, it happened again. With the sudden loss of its Gmail privileges last Friday, palms slapped onto tables in offices across the city as employees came to the realization that, sans Internet access, they were either unable to work or would be forced to do work. But change is afoot. Google's Skynet moment came only days after a troop of Berkeley loons dropped in on a Google engineer at his home and railed against a techie and his company doing their part to ensure that "capitalism functions," guaranteeing "everything it is connected to will be poisoned with its sickness." How soon their wishes were granted. Days later, Gmail was gone, and San Franciscans were freed from their chains to reclaim the land and begin growing soybeans and asparagus in the grassy medians. Our tech overlords will soon be forced to travel the countryside in a caravan and put on plays for youth instilling positive messages about the indomitable spirit of the proletariat. You will not sleep through the citywide wake-up horn. It will be loud. The future is upon us. Let us hasten!

Now in Clancyvision!

If Google Glass is accomplishing anything real, it's growing paranoia. Recently, an Ohio man at the movies with his wife was dragged from the theater and interrogated for hours by the Department of Homeland Security. Why? Authorities were worried the guy might have been recording the film, Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit, as part of a tech-savvy piracy ring (which itself sounds like one of Tom Clancy's lost chapters). After snatching the gadget from his head, the movie folks asked him to leave; outside the theater, a group of officers awaited. Eventually, the cops finally took a gander at what was on the computer and found just what the man had said they'd find: images of his wife and family dog. The suspect-turned-victim was finally released and given two free movie passes.

About The Author

Staff, SF Weekly

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