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The Snatch: Sacrifices We Make for You People 

Wednesday, Dec 25 2013

Mating for Life

Here's your disturbing news of the day: Headless birds were found near Lake Merced, wrapped in red-and-black sheets and bundled in candles and plants in what appears to be an animal sacrifice. "Extremely unusual for this to be out here — we're not even sure what it is," Sgt. Russell Gordon told KTVU. But over at Animal Care & Control, officers know exactly what it is. "I would guess about 20 times a year, we find this kind of stuff," Officer Ellie Sadler of San Francisco's Animal Care and Control Department said. "We pick up discarded headless corpses a lot." An expert on religious practices confirmed to KTVU that the birds were part of a "Palo" ceremony done to cement or break up a relationship. In case you're wondering, the relationship might not be going so well, since the "items" were left out in public view. "It prevents the consummation of the ceremony," the expert said.

Read Closer

The holidays put everyone on edge, but it's done a number on San Francisco's Argonne Elementary School, which was the recent victim of a satirical news story. The Richmond District's neighborhood blog describes how The National Report, "a news and political satire web publication," published a story last week claiming a 9-year-old student was suspended after wishing a teacher a Merry Christmas. The school mentioned in the article was "Argon Elementary School in San Francisco," a riff on Argonne. The name of the school in the article has since been changed to Anon Elementary. Apparently, plenty of readers missed the point — that San Francisco's "War on Christmas" was just a joke, and yes, the joke's on us. One parent reportedly told the Richmond blog that the school added more security on campus since the story spread. All of this holiday confusion prompted Cami Okubo, principal at Argonne, to fire off a letter to parents, assuring them that the incident did not occur at Argonne Elementary or any school. That kind of madness exists only in the mind.

About The Author

Erin Sherbert

Erin Sherbert

Erin Sherbert was the Online News Editor for SF Weekly from 2010 to 2015. She's a Texas native and has a closet full of cowboy boots to prove it.


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