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The Snatch: Rounding Up the Herd 

Wednesday, Jul 2 2014
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The Law Is My Shepherd

A herd of goats commissioned to graze on a San Francisco hillside Friday walked off the job and were found roaming the streets of the Bayview. The goats, who work for City Grazing, were chomping on grass and shrubs near the hillside at Key Avenue and Bayshore Boulevard when 17 of them escaped over the fence. One of the goats made his way to the middle lane of Highway 101, while the others decided to stick to the residential side of the Bayview. Animal Care and Control officers soon arrived and attempted to herd the goats. After that didn't work, City Grazing was called out to the scene to pick up their animals, but brought a pick-up truck without sufficient space. Meanwhile, back on the freeway, two Good Samaritans and an officer stopped traffic and chased down the errant goat. In the end, neither animals nor humans were hurt in the making of this debacle. But it exposes the flaw in using live animals rather than machines for horticultural maintenance: No one will blame you for shooting a runaway lawnmower.

"Placing Feces in the Hallway"

San Francisco is not a city that can get all high and mighty over denizens of other locales failing to defecate in the correct place. And yet, it turns out we can indeed lord it over someone. Someone, in fact, working for the Environmental Protection Agency. In a truly amazing development, the good people over at Government Executive magazine obtained an email penned by the Denver-area deputy regional manager of the EPA, who bemoaned employee practices such as clogging toilets with paper towels and "placing feces in the hallway." Shitting in the hallway — where do these people think they are? Versailles? Proving there's an expert for every last field, the EPA consulted a workplace violence specialist named John Nicoletti who confirmed that, yes, defecating on the office floor is "very dangerous" and a health hazard. Glad that's been cleared up. Just watch where you step.

About The Author

Staff, SF Weekly

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