"Single Startup Seeks Wench"
High tech has met low tech — on Craigslist, naturally — as a coterie of designers took to the web to seek a 21st-century scullery maid to cook their food, clean up their messes, interact with their French bulldogs, and tackle the odd bit of manual labor. The self-described "wacky" SoMa design outfit put out the call for a "Girl Friday/Admin Assistant" who can scour their kitchen, craft their Paleo meals, dispose of the remnants of Paleo meals, create future Paleo meal plans, and, finally, head out to the grocery store to stock up on provisions for more Paleo meals. And that's just for starters. This group may eat like cavemen, but they want a Girl Friday who can do more than just hunt down and grill up the occasional mastodon. When not elbow-deep in all things Paleo, the applicant to the unnamed company will be entrusted with nearly 30 other listed tasks, including scheduling, tech support, the breaking down of boxes, and "sometimes mundane" chores. Girls Friday without a fondness for French bulldogs need not apply. #YesAllGirlsFriday
Whole Lotto Love
This is a tragic story. California lottery officials say that some lucky winner hit the jackpot last month but has yet to claim their prize. The ticket was purchased on May 9 at San Leandro Express Liquors. The total amounts to $468,905 — (nearly) enough to buy that house you currently can't afford. So check your calendar: Did you stop in at Express Liquors for a bottle of Rumple Minze en route to a Tindr date with someone who might or might not have been a former classmate or current relative, and, considering how poor your luck has been, decided to buy a lottery ticket, thinking, Maybe today things will turn completely around for me? And in fact the date went swimmingly, cousin or no, and you've been in the stew of love ever since, and so have forgotten completely about the ticket? But wait: Your new love needs a kidney! If only you had some money ... if only ....