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The Snatch: Always Wearing Proper Attire When Dissecting the State of Things 

Wednesday, Jul 23 2014
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Amateur Sleuthing

A man pretending to be an airport security guard was luring two women into a "private booth" for pat-downs when real security guards caught him. The man — who police identified as 53-year-old Eric Slighton — was arrested around 12:30 p.m. Tuesday last week on suspicion of public drunkenness. He was reportedly wearing blue gloves, of the type you might see in a surgery room or crime scene investigation — or on the hands of a TSA security officer. Evidently, the blue-gloved suspect didn't provoke questions from his two victims. And he somehow gained access to a private security room supposedly being overseen by Covenant, the airport's contract security firm. Slighton was reportedly carrying business cards from Atkis Capitol Singapore at the time of his arrest, the San Francisco Chronicle reported. Google-trails suggest he is a wealthy banker, which totally explains where he got those bitchin' gloves.

Too Many Californias

Nine is the new six — but with 50 percent more Californias. At least according to campaign slogans from a new parody Twitter account aimed at Timothy Draper's bizarrely viable Six Californias ballot measure, which would divide the state into six autonomous provinces, including a wealthy, self-driving Silicon Valley. The measure, which thus far has garnered at least 1.3 million signatures and $2 million in financing from its venture capitalist sponsor, is headed for the November 2016 ballot. Draper and his retinue personally delivered them to registrars in all 58 counties last week, wearing a "Six Californias" tie. (Evidently, you can get your own — he's currently taking orders.) Now, Nine Californias has thrown down the gauntlet, launching a vociferous social media campaign with the snappy hashtag "TimeforNine." How many Californias are too many Californias? And which one would win in a war with the others? Isn't this the question.

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