A few weeks ago my friend "Monica" dropped by. She said she could use a back rub, I obliged, and the next thing you know we're rolling around on the floor together. Faggot, this was one of the most beautiful, satisfying, fulfilling, and meaningful sexual experiences I've ever had, and she said she felt the same way. It was the first homosexual experience for the both of us.
After a few days, I asked her how she felt about the whole thing. She says it was OK, but that she "felt guilty about sex outside a relationship" and that she "doesn't really like oral sex, and that's all women can do together."
We're still friends, but because of her reaction, I'm left to struggle with feeling "perverse" for having enjoyed this encounter as much as I did.
How should I deal with my friend? I'm still crazy about her. I don't think I'm a lesbian, but I've talked to lesbians in the past who are angry at bisexuals for enjoy-ing all the benefits of loving women without the pain of coming out to unsympathetic family and friends. Thanks for your help, Faggot.
Not Just a Breeder Chick Anymore
Hey, NJABCA: You need the advice only sisters can give. I called four of my favorite dykes (Cathy Lee, Krys, Lorene, and Tsilke), we met in front of a cafe, sat on the sidewalk, and solved all your problems.
The lesbo-consensus was, whether you like it or not, you're a dyke. Or you will be a dyke. Just because you can enjoy sex with men doesn't mean you're bisexual. "It's not who you go to bed with, it's who you fall in love with," all the dykes agreed.
About Monica, Krys says, "Talk to her and be honest. Tell her, 'It felt good, it doesn't have to mean we're lesbians, but it might.' "
And tell her there's more to lesbo-love than oral sex! Our study group came up with this partial list: Fingers and hands ("Poke her!" -- Krys), mutual masturbation, nipples ("What about her tits!" -- Lorene), teeth, group sex, anal sex ("Lesbians like it, too!" -- Tsilke), wax, spanking, bondage, garden vegetables ("Corn on the cob with a condom on it!" -- Cathy Lee), dildos ("Well, of course." -- Tsilke), needles and pins ("Yipes!" -- me).
This is only a partial list; it's added to constantly. In closing, Lorene wanted to say, "Congrats on your first experience. Welcome to the Wonderful World of Women!"
Hey, Faggot: I am an 18-year-old female. I find myself dreaming and daydreaming about being with other females. I find the female body more sexually arousing visually.
I also feel more mentally and emotionally comforted around females. I feel safe and secure when a man wraps his arms around me, but I've noticed pushing the man away when we get intimate. It's like I want to do what I want to do. Maybe I'm the dominant type?
Some of my female friends and I flirt with each other and even kiss in public (just to see how anal retentive people are). But when it's over, it's over, like we did it to be controversial. I sometimes wonder if they felt anything beyond a joke.
I have a feeling it would be odd yet soothing to be with a woman outside of a dream. Or maybe I'm just young and curious.
Hey, Confused: While I had the women together, I had them tackle your letter. Guess what? We decided you're a lesbian too!
Not that we have a bias or anything. Tsilke says, "Don't be so boring; you're definitely a lesbian. If your friends don't feel anything, find some baybees (please note PC-lesbo spelling) who do." Tsilke would like to encourage you to explore those "dominant impulses." That's Tsilke for you.
Hey, Faggot: Lately I've been having fantastic erotic dreams about women. I'm currently in a great relationship with my live-in boyfriend, and we love each other a lot. It's not that he doesn't satisfy me physically, emotionally, and mentally; it's just that I'm curious [about] what it would feel like to connect with another woman. How it would feel to stoke their hair and caress their breasts.
My dilemma: Is this wanting wrong? Morally? I don't think it is, but if I put an ad in the paper to share a one-night experience, will it be asking too much?
Dangerously Curious Feline
Hey, Feline: The gyrls (please note lesbo spelling) felt that of the three, you might actually be bisexual. Go ahead and put that ad in the paper. So long as you're honest with the women you sleep with -- so long as she knows a one-night stand is all she's going to get -- a one-night stand isn't too much to ask.
"Feel free to lie to your boyfriend, though: That's what they're there for," says one of my dyke pals. "It's the '90s, women can have one-night stands, too," says Cathy Lee.
Oddly enough, none of the assembled lesbo-maniacs felt there was anything "morally" wrong with wanting to sleep with other women. Go figure.
Hey, Faggot: Is sexual fantasy rude or disrespectful to the person being masturbated about? I've heard that position put forward, that doing so strips the other of aspects of his personhood -- a kind of sexism, dangerous and unfair.
Does it make a difference if I know the person or if it's a body in a skin mag? Or if it's a created character? I always thank the person out loud after I cum.
I Think About Such Things
Hey, ITAST: You can fantasize about whatever and whomever you want. It only becomes abusive when you (à la Clarence Thomas, Bob Packwood, etc.) let the person you sit up nights fantasizing about (Anita Hill, various staffers, etc.) know about it.
As far as mags go, if you buy into that Dworkin/MacKinnon crap, then porn oppresses women. Created characters, or fictional characters (Blondie Bumstead, Captain America, Michael Huffington, etc.) would seem to be a pretty safe bet if you must have an image but want to be extraspecial careful not to offend anyone.