Trolling the classifieds is always a fun way to gain insight into our fellow human beings. Why, just today, five minutes on Craigslist yielded one guy's ode to lunchtime sex and another guy's list detailing the 47 reasons why he's lucky (example: "I am chemically balanced"). But Philadelphia poet CAConrad has taken this obscure hobby to high art. He posted an ad for "the world's toughest queer transvestite boxer" in the Philadelphia Independent, requesting that the pugilist in question wear pink gloves and have gobs of sissy pride. What began as innocuous entertainment resulted in a firestorm of threatening phone calls recorded on his answering machine. So the avant-garde poet did what any creative person would do: He transcribed the vicious rhetoric and incorporated it into a poem, called "Poet-Agent in Search of Transvestite Boxer," which he performs tonight. Also on the bill is Wendy Kramer, a multitalented artist who reads her poems aloud onstage from her collages. Her piece She the Magic Sea Tune in Spring depicts Xena the Warrior Princess amid logos for Gatorade and Tiger's Milk bars. The evening begins at 8 at New Langton Arts, 1246 Folsom (at Eighth Street), S.F. Admission is $4-6; call 626-5416 or visit www.newlangtonarts.org.
-- Jane Tunks
Finally, a school dance done our way
Remember how in high school, just the thought of going to the prom made you want to storm the auditorium, pull down the silver streamers, and hogtie all the popular kids? In retrospect, we who boycotted the pubescent rite of passage are proud to have done so. But now that I've embraced -- even cultivated -- my inner freak, I want to break out a chiffon dress, drink all the spiked punch, and take tacky pictures with my date in a powder-blue tuxedo. Luckily, Kunst-Stoff's Prom 2005 Fun(d)raiser promises all this and a kissing/spanking booth. I'm betting this prom is going to be much more fun than the one I missed at my all-girl Catholic school. Principal Ms. Behavin opens the doors at 9:30 p.m. at CounterPULSE, 1310 Mission (at Ninth Street), S.F. Admission is $25 for couples and $15 for stags; call 835-2124 or visit www.kunst-stoff.org.
-- Jane Tunks
Children are sometimes frightening, to one another as well as to adults. Their expressions occasionally make it clear that your pain means little to them. The giant watercolors at "The Art of Harold's End: Paintings by Cherry Hood" communicate this paradox intensely, focusing as they do on those innocent yet cruel visages.
Maybe that's why author JT LeRoy used Hood's images to illustrate his recent novel, Harold's End. Hood and LeRoy make appearances tonight, along with a handful of hottie actors reading from the book and Thistle LLC performing live music, starting at 7 (the exhibition continues through May 25) at Varnish Fine Art, 77 Natoma (at Second Street), S.F. Admission is free; call 222-6131 or visit www.varnishfineart.com.
-- Hiya Swanhuyser
Let It Flow
Creating music that's equal parts Moog-laden hooks and jangly guitars, locals the Ebb and Flow celebrate the release of Time to Echolocate. The band promises on its Web site to "play the album in its entirety with special agents and fogger." Turn on your headlamp at 5 p.m. at the Bottom of the Hill, 1233 17th St. (at Missouri), S.F. Admission is $5 and includes barbecue; call 621-4455 or visit www.bottomofthehill.com.
-- Jane Tunks