For this, the electrifying 13th installment of San Francisco's Noise Pop music festival, we bring you the second annual NOISE POP THE GAME©®TM, a well of entertainment that every frolicsome concertgoer can enjoy with the simple toss of a coin. Though budgetary constraints made our plans for the three-dimensional, Technicolor, mechanically automated sequel to last year's game impossible, we are delighted to offer a game board of the finest quality newsprint that our cheap-ass publishers were willing to provide -- which can be easily wadded up and taken to the party, and makes for a surprisingly absorbent solution to spilled beer. Let the good times roll!
To end the game with the most points.
Two or more players.
One NOISE POP THE GAME©®TM game board.
One coin for flipping (a single die can be used for "lightning play").
One game piece per player (e.g., bottle cap, guitar pick, used condom, etc.).
HOW TO PLAY THE GAME:
1) The player with the most Beefheart records goes first.
2) On a turn, flip the coin. If it lands on heads, move two spaces. If it lands on tails, move one space.
3) Collect or deduct the number of points indicated on the game space. In the case of a multiple-choice question, choose an answer and collect/deduct points accordingly.
4) When you reach the end, tally your points and refer to the adjacent "POINT GUIDE."
FOR COMPLETE INFORMATION ON NOISE POP:
150,001 -- ABOVE: NOISE POP EMERITUS. When the staff at Aquarius Records hasn't heard of an album, they call you. When someone in the Arcade Fire needs a place to crash, your name comes up. Shit, next week you have a second date with Matt Gonzalez.
50,001 -- 150,000: CONVERSE ALL-STAR. Congratulations! You have an open tab at the Phone Booth, the guy at the burrito place always knows your order, and the members of Call and Response are spreading rumors about your sexual prowess.
10,001 -- 50,000: THE B-LIST. No bartender can remember your name and the clerks at Amoeba still snicker at what you buy, but shit, at least it's on vinyl.
5,001 -- 10,000: CHUBBY FRIEND. Sorry blank-o niño, you're kind of a dork. But hey, did you know that Jimmy Buffett's coming to town? Tickets are still available if you act fast.
0 -- 5,000: BANISHED! Your indie aptitude rivals that of Carson Daly. Go home, fix yourself a Cosmopolitan, and watch some professional sports.