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No Toilet Paper, No Peace 

The Porta Potti Arsonist speaks.

Wednesday, Jan 21 2009
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Over the past two months, an unknown arsonist has set ablaze 18 portable toilets around the city. This week, SF Weekly received a letter from the mysterious firestarter — who calls himself "The Burning Man" — with a list of demands:

This is the Burning Man speaking. I am the one burning down all the disgusting portable shitters. If you want this to stop, here's what must be done:

Potpourri in every Porta Potti. Porta Pourri, if you will.

All of S.F.'s outhouses must better represent the rich cultural diversity of the city's heritage.

Give us cleaner streets to pee on.

If inconsiderate jerks keep refusing to light a match after going number two, I will be forced to keep lighting my blowtorch.

Provide affordable housing for low-income arsonists.

Get me a date with Cindy Sheehan.

Gavin Newsom must light a fart on YouTube.

End all hatred, violence, and oppression — by Thursday.

Free Mumia!

About The Author

Staff, SF Weekly

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