1) For years, newcomers to the Polk Street area have been clamoring in neighborhood meetings for a rejuvenation effort, hoping to reduce crime and establish a more resident-friendly environment on the streets. Now that just such a movement appears to be under way, what's your opinion on the changing face of one of San Francisco's coarsest neighborhoods?
A) First they outlaw peeing in the streets, now they're forcing out the Polk Street pimps and pushers ... what is our society coming to?
B) I'll be honest -- I'm gonna miss watching the transvestite hookers interacting with rich, highbrow businessmen. Guess I'll have to hang around during checkout time in the Hilton lobby to see that now.
C) I think it's wonderful. We all want a place where we can take our kids to enjoy a lovely meal and do a little window-shopping without fearing for our wallets. And the Marina has gotten so expensive!
2) Perhaps more than any other single factor, the arrival of the $6.5 million O'Reilly's Holy Grail, an upscale Irish restaurant in the space formerly occupied by Mayes Oyster House on Polk between Bush and Sutter streets, has signaled a transformation of the Gulch. The well-reviewed restaurant boasts stained-glass windows, imported hickory floors, and an impressive collection of fine art, and owner Myles O'Reilly has also turned a run-down residential motel above the Holy Grail into a fancy hotel of suites. What do you make of O'Reilly's impact?
A) Just keep him the hell away from SOMA.
B) Wait a minute. Since when have Irish restaurants been associated with fine dining and gentrification? Did I miss something?
C) Luxury living apartments? In San Francisco?!? Now I've seen everything ....
3) In recent years, Polk Street has garnered a reputation as one of the city's consistently hip nightlife spots. Its distinctive bars -- including Polk Gulch Saloon, Reflections, and the Giraffe -- were known to cater to an adventurous crowd that included drag queens, hustlers, and a large queer population. Now that many of those watering holes have been replaced by more upscale establishments, do you think Polk Street will retain its reputation as an after-hours destination?
A) Hell, no. I hope the Western Addition is bracing itself for the migration.
B) A destination? Perhaps not as much for the paramedics.
C) Of course. Now we'll all be able to enjoy a nice, quiet glass of wine in peace, without some weirdo trying to push speed on us. (Bonus point if you live in Antioch.)
4) The new bars include the Lush Lounge, the Hemlock Tavern, and Vertigo, which serve exotic cocktails and live music to a mostly young, happy-hour crowd. A new wine bar called SNOB has also opened. What do these establishments suggest to you about the kind of San Franciscans the neighborhood is now trying to lure?
A) It's sad, really. Polk Street ain't Polk Street unless you have to tiptoe around human remains.
B) Everyone loves a Mojito.
C) Hey, man, if there's one thing this city needs, it's more hipster bars. Talk about a marginalized element of society ....
5) Carolynn Abst, current co-chair of the Lower Polk Neighbors, told the San Francisco Chronicle that the neighborhood is "not trying to be like Chestnut or Union, though we do want people to come here and feel safe. We are just kind of about cleaning up our act. We want a fruit stand, and we'll take a Starbucks, too." What's your response?
A) But where are the amphetamine addicts supposed to go? And don't say rehab -- we've all heard that one before.
B) A fruit stand? Would she settle for a Jamba Juice?
C) Wonderful! Nothing says "San Francisco" like a brand-new Starbucks.
6) Which neighborhood do you see bypassing Polk Street as a fashionable hangout for San Francisco's down- and-out?
A) You know San Francisco General Hospital? Man, that scene is the bomb on a Saturday night. It's open 24 hours, too!
B) Glen Park. Look, a tranny can dream, can't she?
7) Finally, what do you think the Polk Street neighborhood will look like in five years?
B) Rubble. (Bonus point for admitting that you can't think about anything but natural disasters these days.)
C) Well, you'll have some wine bars, some cheese shops, a Hummer dealership. Pretty much everything you need to have a kick-ass picnic!
How to score:
Score zero points for every "A" answer, one point for every "B," and two points for every "C."
0-6 points: We know, we know, you remember when it was a real gulch.
7-10 points: Sure, San Francisco is losing some of its cultural identity. But it's gaining suburban shoppers!
11-14 points: Congratulations, you're a true apologist for the new Polk Street. And, yes, you're right -- the Tenderloin could use a Bed Bath & Beyond.