Box Set Duo: Jim Brunberg and Jeff Pehrson, along with special guests, perform a Valentine's Day concert, 8:15 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $16. Noe Valley Ministry, 1021 Sanchez (at 23rd St.), 282-2317.
Susie Bright: Sexpert Susie Bright reads from her erotic series Best American Erotica 2004, which includes tales from Jerry Stahl, Maggie Estep, Alan Cumming, Rachel Resnick, and Steve Almond, to name a few, 7 p.m. Friday, Feb. 13, free. Booksmith, 1644 Haight (at Cole), 863-8688.
Couples Tour of North Beach's Gentlemen's Clubs: Smutty? Horny? Curious about North Beach's rich history of adult entertainment? Take your sweetheart on a fascinating group tour of North Beach's strip clubs, climaxing with a romantic dinner in Chinatown. E-mail firstname.lastname@example.org or call 510-465-7607 for reservations, 5:50-9:45 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $70, per person, 510-465-7607 (information). North Beach.
Cupid's Cusp Dinner Dating for Single Men and Women: Sup with a bevy of unattached men and women also looking for that special someone, hosted by "dating expert" Joel Koosed. Reservations required, 7-9 p.m. Thursday, Feb. 12, $15-$20, 864-3500 (information). Atrium, 101 California (at Front), 788-4101.
Electro-Techno-Disco-LOVE: DJs Dan, Donald Glaude, BK, Nick Sentience, Andy Farly, Superfast Oz, Dyloot, Tomslik, and more perform at this 18-and-over night of dancing, with five themed arenas of music in one convenient location, 6 p.m.-2 a.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $25-$40. Bill Graham Civic Auditorium, 99 Grove (at Larkin), 974-4060.
Fuck the Pain Away: Have a most happening anti-Valentine's Day night with synthetic songs of love, lust, and loss, 9 p.m.-2 a.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, free. Lit, 101 Sixth St. (at Mission), 278-0940.
How We First Met: Two cloying tastes couples and improvisational comedy will go great together as audience members are interviewed about their relationships, while improv players re-enact said love onstage, 8 p.m. Fridays and Saturdays, through Feb. 28, $25-$35. The Velvet Lounge, 443 Broadway (at Kearny), 788-0228.
Hump: Dance with your sweetie at this aptly titled club featuring Altöm, Penta, Cosmic Selector, Audio Angel, Felix the Dog, and Femmes Fatales, 10 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $15-$20. DNA Lounge, 375 11th St. (at Folsom), 626-1409.
Improv for Lovers: Whether you're single or bringing along that special someone, let BATS Improv intoxicate you with laughter's aphrodisiac, 8 p.m. Friday, Feb. 13, $12, 8 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $15. Bayfront Theater, Fort Mason, Bldg. B, Marina & Buchanan, 474-8935.
Jethro Jeremiah Band and Hymin & the Fat Foakland Orchestra: Spend Valentine's Day in the Mission with the soothing, seductive sounds of roots and rock, 10 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $8. Elbo Room, 647 Valencia (at 18th St.), 552-7788.
The Larry Stefl Jazz Quartet: Soothing, Brazilian-infused jazz dominates this romantic night, 9:30 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $3. The Albatross Pub, 1822 San Pablo (at Hearst), Berkeley, 510-843-2473.
Lavay Smith & Her Red Hot Skillet Lickers: Spend a romantic night with saucy Miss Smith, her jazzy band, champagne, and more, 8:30 and 10:30 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $20-$60. Biscuits & Blues, 401 Mason (at Geary), 292-BLUE (2583).
Love Bites: Through solo and ensemble acts, the Lesbian and Gay Chorus of San Francisco sings sad songs about the bitter side of love, 7 and 9 p.m. Friday, Feb. 13, $10-$15. The Center, 1800 Market (at Octavia), 865-5555.
Love Fest 2004 A Literary and Musical Celebration of Love: A festival toasting that elusive emotion we call love, featuring Aya de León, James Kass, Corina Peila, Meliza Bañales, Kim Cook, and other artists, 7 and 9:30 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $10-$12. La Peña Cultural Center, 3105 Shattuck (at Prince), Berkeley, 510-849-2568.
LoveFest: Help raise money for a homeless single mother and daughter, with a concert featuring Sovoso, Kid Beyond, Sean Hayes, Larry Gallagher, Keith Terry, and Nazelah Jamison, 7 p.m. Sunday, Feb. 15, $15, 617-6208 (information). Noe Valley Ministry, 1021 Sanchez (at 23rd St.), 282-2317.
Mike Greensill & Wesla Whitfield: Seduce your sweetheart with two jazz and cabaret stars, performing on the most passionate day of the year, 8 p.m. Friday, Feb. 13, 8 and 10 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $20. ODC Theater, 3153 17th St. (at Shotwell), 863-9834.
Maria Muldaur: Folk, jazz, and blues chanteuse serenades the sweethearts with her show "Songs From My Heart. Love, Maria Muldaur," 8 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $50. Larkspur Cafe Theater, 500 Magnolia (at Ward), Larkspur, 924-6107.
My Bloody Valentine Bash: Rock away your flying-solo, singledom blues with She Mob, Ramona the Pest, The Shut-Ins, and Ned, 9:30 p.m. Friday, Feb. 13, $6. Starry Plough, 3101 Shattuck (at Prince), Berkeley, 510-841-2082.
Romance, Myth, and Folklore: Soprano Karen Slack, guitarist Michael Goldberg, and flutist Stacey Pelinka lead the Left Coast Chamber Ensemble in a classical concert centered around sweet, sweet love, 8 p.m. Monday, Feb. 9, $14-$19, 642-8054 (information). War Memorial and Performing Arts Center, 401 Van Ness (at McAllister), 674-4764.
Salsa Valentine's Ball: Whether you're a clumsy beginner or a coordinated expert in the sultry art of salsa, it promises to be a steamy night of dancing, drink, and lust, 8 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $10-$15. Canvas Gallery, 1200 Ninth Ave. (at Lincoln), 504-0600.
Scharffen Berger Chocolate Factory Tour: Visit the delicious Scharffen Berger factory, one of the most respected producers of high-quality chocolate, 12:45 p.m.-2:30 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $10, 415-554-9600 (information). Scharffen Berger Chocolate Factory, 914 Heinz (at Seventh St.), Berkeley.
Sunset Kayaking: Spend the romantic twilight hour kayaking in the Bay as night falls, awakening the lovely lights of San Francisco's skyline. Reservations required, 5 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $25, per hour. City Kayak, Pier 38, Embarcadero & Townsend, 357-1010.
Sweat!: Partnered bear (aka fat, gay, largely hairy men) dance during International Bear Rendezvous weekend, 10 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14. Space 550, 550 Barneveld (between Industrial & Oakdale), 550-8286.
Tasting Chocolate in a Cultural Context: Hear chocolatier John Scharffenberger explore the origins, essence, and use of chocolate in cultures over the past 3,000 years, 7-8:30 p.m. Thursday, Feb. 12, $15-$25. Randall Museum, 199 Museum Way (at Roosevelt), 554-9600.
The Tears in Your Beers Twangfest: Loretta Lynch, The Bellyachers, and Nelly Bly present an evening of intimate and ambient music about love's brief highs and many lows, 8:30 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $7-$10. The Tea House, 1923 Ashby (at Martin Luther King Jr. Way), Berkeley, 510-644-2204.
Valentine's Burlesque Show: A sultry and spectacular evening of dining, champagne, and burlesque variety show, featuring Roky Roulette, Gerri Lawlor, Fifi Le Freedom, Desiré d'Amour, and Gorilla X, 7 and 10 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $20-$45. Broadway Studios, 435 Broadway (at Columbus), 291-0333.
Valentine's Day Dance: Sarena Orchestra performs its seductive musical Balkan stylings at this sweethearts dance, 8 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $12. Slavonic Cultural Center, 60 Onondaga (at Hwy. 101), 510-649-0941.
Valentine's Day Fiesta: Yaelisa and the Caminos Flamencos Company highlight a lovely night of food, wine, and music to share with that special someone, 5:30 and 8:30 p.m. Friday, Feb. 13, $45-$55, 5, 6 and 8 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $55-$60. Café de la Paz, 1600 Shattuck (at Cedar), Berkeley, 510-843-0662.
Valentine's Day Film Program: Single during this sappy season? Spend it cherishing the thing you love most: San Francisco, where five filmic valentines A Trip Down Market Street, Notes on the Port of Saint Francis, Moods of the City, Designated Walk, and Patterns about the "city by the bay" will screen. Get ready to swoon, 2 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $8-$12. McBean Theatre, Exploratorium, 3601 Lyon (at Marina), 397-5673.
Valentine's Day With Hed Kandi: Hed Kandi along with Mike Van Loon, Mike Amechi, and Bernard Cabigon help you dance away your loneliness, longings, and love's losses, 8 p.m.-3 a.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $20. Ruby Skye, 420 Mason (at Geary), 693-0777.
Valentine's Extravaganza!!!: DJs Derrick Carter, Mark Farina, and Rithma spin tender Valentine's Day into a sinful night of sweat, skin, and sexy dancing, 10 p.m.-4 a.m. Friday, Feb. 13, $20-$25. Mezzanine, 444 Jessie (at Mint), 820-9669.
Valentine's Kiss Cruise: Climb aboard the San Francisco Spirit yacht for a cruise on Valentine's Day, including a three-course meal, music, and the amorous setting of the San Francisco Bay, 7:45-11 p.m. Friday, Feb. 13, and Saturday, Feb. 14, $75. Pier 9, Embarcadero & Broadway, 788-9100.