Ah, language. Where would we be without it? Why, clicking our tongues and pointing, methinks. Herein I have collected some of my most treasured missives regarding my Bouncer column dated the 18th of May, in which readers were invited to share in the joy of syntax by creating a novel term for the female version of "cock block." Let me say with little modesty that mine are some of the best readers on this Barbary Coast! Oh, but there were some Ramgoolies!*
*See letter from Bea Ramgoolie below.
Mike S.: You mean to tell me nobody came up with "beaver dam"?
Ms. St. Clair responds: Ah, now here we see an excellent use of another well-known phrase. Would that I had created it myself!
Morgan: My vote for the female version of cock-blocking is "twat block."
Ms. St. Clair responds: Ah, yes, Morgan, this one captures the playful essence of the original. Good work!
Bea Ramgoolie: Hi, Katy. My girlfriends and I have often wondered what term to use for a female cock-blocker, so I read your article with great interest. Here are a few terms that I have thought of: "clit snit," "cum extinguisher," "pussy police," and "diva impeder." I hope you like them.
Ms. St. Clair responds: Oh, goodness, what a nice bouillabaisse of Ramgoolies! However, methinks that none of these phrases, however hard-thought, truly transcends.
Jillie: Hi, Katy. Have been tossing around ideas for what to call a pussy-blocking action. First, came up with "putting up the Wall of Mound," but that didn't really work, as it sounds like the woman is putting up her own defenses. Then came up with "cunt blunter." That one even sounds like "cock blocker." I like the image, too -- of a cock approaching a pussy, and being diverted and thrown off course like an arrow's tip that is too dull to penetrate. This was a fun contest! Take care.
Ms. St. Clair responds: Oh, the arrows I, myself, have tried to catch in my bull's-eye, Jillie! I quiver -- if you will pardon the phrase -- at the thought! Many readers were in accord with your thinking:
Clint: The phrase that pays and plays for days is "cunt shunt," silly girl.
Ms. St. Clair responds: Of course, many of the fairer sex will recoil at the use of the c-word, though, yes, it affords the easiest rhymes.
Eric D.: "Cunt check," as in something like, "Dude, I ran into my ex-girlfriend at the Lion Bar last night and she totally cunt-checked me."
Ms. St. Clair responds: Now that's just vulgar.
J: How about "muff cuff"?
Ms. St. Clair responds: Ah, J, now we are approaching something Ramgoolie. A rhyme, two syllables, and a softness that implies gentle restraint.
Lee Stewart, Arkansas [whose letter originally appeared in the June 1 issue]: My friends and I were having a conversation earlier tonight that involved cock-blocking and I wondered what the female version would be. So we brainstormed and our best answers were "cunt stunt" and "clitoris-no-more-us." One caveat for us was that the words must rhyme. While "muff muffle" is good, it just doesn't have the same ring as "cock block" or "cunt stunt." Just thought I'd clarify why we chose what we did, especially since "clitoris-no-more-us" is so random. (We couldn't think of much to rhyme with "vagina" or "pussy.") When I got home I Googled "female version of cock block" and found this article so I decided to enter your contest. And that's where we are now. And I'm kind of drunk, so I'm going to bed. But you better pick me to be the winner!
Ms. St. Clair responds: To quote African-American musical phenom Hot Chocolate, "Everyone's a winner baby, that's the truth."
Lee from Arkansas, a second time: I have another to add. Your article suggested "box lock." My rhyming and slightly more offensive version of that is "snatch latch."
Ms. St. Clair responds: Well now, I also mentioned "snatch latch" near the top of my original piece. So have you been to the town of Toad Suck, Ark.?
Lee from Arkansas: You are correct. I guess I didn't read closely enough. Or maybe "snatch latch" was somewhere in my subconscious and that's why I thought of it. And yes, I've been to Toad Suck. Or at least "Toad Suck Daze," a festival in the city of Conway, Ark. I'm not sure if I've ever been to the town of Toad Suck. It's somewhere near Conway but only has a couple hundred people. Both are near Little Rock in central Arkansas, while I live in northwest Arkansas. How do you know of Toad Suck?
Ms. St. Clair responds: One might just as easily ask why the beaver has a shiny pelt, or why the pussycat enjoys a good tongue cleansing.
Jordan G.: I'd like to suggest the simple "pussy stopper." It's even cute, as in kitten.
In reality there isn't much use for this idiom. ... The social situations where the above phrases would be used do not occur often.
Ms. St. Clair responds: Why Jordan G., methinks you have gotten my Betty Friedan side riled up.
Liz, Boston: This is probably a little late, but a friend of mine in San Francisco just sent me your article about the female equivalent of the "cock block" because we had a conversation about the same thing a year or two ago. We decided on "boxed out," which doesn't rhyme, but I think has a good ring to it nonetheless.
Ms. St. Clair responds: Capital! Ramgoolie!
The May 25 B&A column by Karen Zuercher, "The Kids All Write," incorrectly stated that the radio show This American Life runs on National Public Radio. This American Life is actually produced by WBEZ/Chicago Public Radio and distributed to public radio stations nationwide by Public Radio International.
The June 15 cover story "Knockout/ Tapout" misidentified Ralph Gracie in a photo caption. The caption should have read "Dan Marks (on the ground) tries to put Jake Shields in a triangle choke."
SF Weekly regrets the errors.