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Kid Code 

Wednesday, Jul 11 2007
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You better watch out. You better not cry. You better not accuse the mayor of snortin' coke. And I'm telling you why — Michela Alioto-Pier's code of conduct is coming to town.

Following Supervisor Chris Daly's nosy implication, Supervisor Alioto-Pier introduced her proposal at a recent Board of Supervisors meeting. Sending Daly to serve morning detention with Judd Nelson and Molly Ringwald wasn't an option for Alioto-Pier, so her code landed in the city's Rules Committee. A hearing date is pending.

The code is written broadly — supes shall "maintain the respect and dignity of their office in their dealings with other Supervisors, other elected and appointed officials, staff and the public" and "make no allegations ... which are improper, derogatory, false or misleading or slanderous and/or libelous."

In a nutshell: "Don't behave like Chris Daly." It takes five pages to say that. Granted, Alioto-Pier is a lawyer and knows the First Amendment ramifications of detailing specific verboten speech. Unless logging countless hours of "Perry Mason" has an osmotic effect, we are not lawyers. So here are some code proposals that will instill etiquette with great vengeance and furious anger. Listen up, children.

Whoever left that "You Must Be This Tall to Supervise the City" sign in Aaron Peskin's office, consider yourself on notice.

Supervisor Bevan Dufty is not to attend another "Drunk 'n' Horny" party wearing a Kevin Federline-esque "Baby Daddy" shirt without first posting photos on his MySpace page.

Dufty, Daly, and Ross Mirkarimi, those attempts at beards are the worst since the evil Mr. Spock. Censure your faces or face censure.

No more rim shots after Tom Ammiano's laugh lines. And please, tip your waitresses.

Whenever Supervisor Jake McGoldrick embarks on a rambling, 20-minute speech, he is mandated to preface his remarks by stating, "Gather 'round and let Uncle Jake tells ya a story."

Alioto-Pier and Sophie Maxwell will cease braiding each other's hair, playing Truth or Dare, and talking about boys.

Supervisor Gerardo Sandoval and rapper Gerardo of "Rico Suave" fame are not the same person. Stop asking for autographs.

Sean Elsbernd is only 31 years old? From now on he's 39. That makes us aging underachievers feel better.

Ed Jew ... ah, forget it. You need your own code of conduct. We'll mail it to you. What's the zip in Burlingame?

Chris, you stop picking on lil' Gavin right this instant, or we'll turn this Board of Supervisors around and go straight home, and we mean it!

About The Author

Joe Eskenazi

Joe Eskenazi

Bio:
Joe Eskenazi was born in San Francisco, raised in the Bay Area, and attended U.C. Berkeley. He never left. "Your humble narrator" was a staff writer and columnist for SF Weekly from 2007 to 2015. He resides in the Excelsior with his wife, 4.3 miles from his birthplace and 5,474 from hers.

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