For those not interested in merchandise, might I suggest another antidote for these delicate, chary times: The Angry White Male Tour. Mike Hunt founder Shane Bugbee's Van of Doom features a host of colorful characters, including the Boone Brothers -- infamous for Brawlin' Broads, a pinnacle of hixploitation during which gals from Bakersfield and the surrounding burgs beat the crap out of each other while Mitch and Marty chug booze and discuss the number of abortions represented in the bout. Also on hand will be Jim Goad -- twice-convicted felon, self-professed woman beater, author of Redneck Manifesto, and half of the former husband-and-wife team that created the virulently misanthropic magazine Answer Me! -- and Mike Diana, who will appear with his first comic since the Florida ruling that threw him in jail and banned him from drawing eight years ago. King Velveeda, longtime contributor to Horny Biker Sluts and Screw Magazine, will tender truly pornographic cartoons of cum-covered ladies with only one thing on their minds, while paranoid hate-monger Dr. Randall Phillips will offer insight into such works as Extermination Zone, The Terror Tapes, and Fuck! Finally, SKITZO will projectile-vomit fluorescent green goo, while porn stars rub their genitals on serial killer Ed Gein's "real live" tombstone. Good clean fun for everyone. The Angry White Male Tour arrives on Wednesday, May 30, at the CW Saloon at 8 p.m. Tickets are $7; call 974-1485. The tour also visits Kimo's on Thursday, May 31, at 8 p.m. Tickets are $5; call 884-4535.
While the crackle and hiss of vinyl is absent on the Greenhornes' self-titled Telstar debut, it's easy to imagine the auditory fizz between songs. Greenhornes sounds like a classic reissue from 1965, recorded by an obscure-but-brilliant band that played early shows with the Animals, Kinks, and Hollies but then met some horrible end via a traffic accident involving a bus, two minis, a petrol truck, and a curry deliveryman named "Warbles." Right? Not exactly.
The Greenhornes are, in fact, five young bucks from Cincinnati with an eerie ability to write songs from another time. Unlike its revivalist peers, the band doesn't sound influenced by the early '60s British blues invasion; instead, it sounds like it was on the front lines. "Can't Stand It" is a riotous, organ-driven dance-floor number that could have edified the Troggs' wildness; "Stay Away Girl" and "Lonely Feeling" are moody, psychedelic ballads that might have driven Jim Morrison to tears; "Lies" is an angst-riddled organ-and-guitar sendup that would have packed the Standells off to college; and "Can't You See" is a soulful reminder that any voice -- even Craig Fox's derelict Greenhorne howl -- can be elevated to street-corner sainthood by backing harmonies. If you were thinking about cutting your hair, trading in your cords, and joining the present, now might not be the right time. The Greenhornes open for Gasoline, Immortal Lee County Killers, and Bob Log III of Doo Rag on Sunday, June 3, at the Bottom of the Hill at 5:30 p.m. Tickets are $8 and include an all-you-can-eat barbecue at 3 p.m.; call 621-4455.
Those folks who take visual cues from the brand-new print of Quadrophenia (showing Friday through Thursday, June 1-7, at the Roxie Cinema) and auditory lessons from the Greenhornes can put the notion to motion and dance until the wee hours of the morning at the final installment of "In 'n Out." DJs Kirk, Kitty, and Sean offer classic soul from the '60s and '70s, backed by vintage slides and sleek flicks like Le Mans and Downhill Racer. The oh-so-stylish crowd can revitalize their dance-beleaguered bodies with free chicken wings and hot links. Riders of vintage scooters get in free. "In 'n Out" will be held Tuesday, June 5, at 330 Ritch at 9 p.m. Tickets are $5; call 541-9574.