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Congrats, Newlyweds! 

Wednesday, Dec 24 2008

The state Department of Public Health's predictions for California newlyweds: Folic acid and beatings. At least, that's what you might gather from Your Future Together ... , an advice booklet handed to couples with their marriage licenses. Some gems from the pamphlet:

Page 5: For those unclear about what, exactly, domestic abuse is, the booklet defines it thusly: "The abuser may hit, kick, slap, beat up, rape, call names, threaten, stalk, withhold money, or destroy your property. An abuser may even hurt your animal."

Page 20: The section titled "Finding Out If You Can Pass on a Genetic Disorder" is illustrated by a drawing that, we assume unintentionally, depicts a baby with no legs (see pic).

Page 27: Pregnant women are advised to avoid marijuana, cocaine, PCP, speed, and heroin. Thank God someone finally spoke up about this.

Page 36: Pregnant women with pets are warned, "Don't feed raw or rare meat to your cat" and "Don't handle cat litter." That goes double if you feed your cat marijuana, cocaine, PCP, speed, or heroin.

Multiple pages: Folic acid is apparently a vital key to a successful marriage. Page 3 is dedicated to spelling out the importance of folic acid in your diet. On page 15, newlyweds are told to "take a multivitamin which contains folic acid every day. (See pages 17-18 for more information on folic acid.)" Page 17 informs breeders that "folic acid is essential for the health of your baby," while page 18 repeats the advice to take a multivitamin with folic acid every day. Or you could just lick the pamphlet — it's rich in folic acid.

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