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Culture, The Whore Next Door The Princess and the Whore: Heavy Breathing in the Magic Kingdom

The Princess and the Whore: Heavy Breathing in the Magic Kingdom

I was sweating. My heart was beating fast and hard in my ears. I had been dreaming of this day for a long time, saving my money and counting down the days. I had been nervous that maybe she would…
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Dining, Distillations Distillations: Red Sky at Morning at Smuggler's Cove

Distillations: Red Sky at Morning at Smuggler's Cove

Smuggler's Cove is often described as a tiki bar, but that's not quite right. Instead ... well ... a friend of mine recently took her young daughter to Disneyland, and went on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. On the…
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Dining, Distillations Distillations: Savoring $100 Worth of Pappy Van Winkle at Hard Water

Distillations: Savoring $100 Worth of Pappy Van Winkle at Hard Water

I walked into Hard Water, near the Ferry Building, on a quiet night. It looks like what you'd get if you crossed an old-time distillery with a New Wave seafood restaurant. I sat down at the horseshoe bar with the…
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Culture, Kill Your Television Kill Your Television: The Bold and the Beautiful

Kill Your Television: The Bold and the Beautiful

It had the hazy, disjointed feel of a dream. I was sitting in The Real World house on Sutter, on the edge of the Tenderloin. The producer plonked me down in the foyer, if you could call it that. Really,…
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Music, Bouncer Bouncer Discovers the Ultimate Tiki Dive Bar in Bamboo Hut

Bouncer Discovers the Ultimate Tiki Dive Bar in Bamboo Hut

As Don Ho once famously quipped, I never met a Tiki bar I didn't like. Grungy holes-in-the-wall are of particular interest, because all the owners need to do is hit the Party Warehouse for some fake coconuts and palm fronds,…
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Music, Bouncer Bouncer Takes the Disneyland North Beach Ride at Vesuvio

Bouncer Takes the Disneyland North Beach Ride at Vesuvio

I've never really been drawn to the Beats, never really had a Bukowski period, never really liked the feel of a turtleneck on my throat. Don't even get me started on bongos. But I do love the poetry of Lawrence…
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Music, Bouncer Bouncer Makes Caffeine Pals at Starbucks

Bouncer Makes Caffeine Pals at Starbucks

All the Starbucks-haters can suck it. Where else can you buy a muffin and get a receipt for a "pumpkin muff"? Sure, there is generally one ultra-perky ringleader who grates on your 7 a.m. ears like a swarm of rabid…
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Music, Bouncer Bouncer: Enjoying the handlebar mustaches at the Uptown

Bouncer: Enjoying the handlebar mustaches at the Uptown

Last night I dreamed I was at a bar in Disneyland. This made perfect sense, because it was a dream, and in dreams absurd things happen and you pay them no heed. However, there has always been one of those…
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Music, Bouncer Bouncer: Visiting fantasy worlds at the Sausage Factory

Bouncer: Visiting fantasy worlds at the Sausage Factory

As a rule, people like being something they are not. We like to pretend. We play make-believe when we are little. We dress up for Halloween. We wear Cover Girl. I am not going to say that all of this…
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Music, Bouncer Bouncer: Drinking away the discomfort at Kimo's

Bouncer: Drinking away the discomfort at Kimo's

I used to be annoyed with people who constantly handed out flyers to their shows. It's like receiving a chain letter: You know you ain't gonna participate, but can't help but feel some impending doom will befall you if you…
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News, Letters

SF Weekly Letters

Taxi Article Hails Responses Short system flaws not cabbies' fault: In Matt Smith's rant, "The SFO Cannonball Run" , he implies that the SFO short system "rewards cabbies to speed and terrorizes downtown pedestrians" and even takes a dig…
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Calendar, Night&Day Ray Zor Beam

Ray Zor Beam

Collage artist Rex Ray has made album art for Bjork, David Bowie, and Radiohead -- he's pretty good. OK, OK, he's super completely awesome. The local artist's lava-lamp shapes and gobstopper candy colors come from magazine paper, printmaking, and painting,…
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Music, Pay for Play

Pay for Play

As the sun sets over the parking lot of the Long Beach Courthouse, one of the best and busiest session drummers in the industry is standing motionless, a pair of shearing scissors in one hand, a plastic comb in the…
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Music, Bouncer

Taking Cues from Oprah: Making a Man List at the Beach Chalet

Something caught my eye the other day while I was driving along the Great Highway. It was an old library-looking building with a restaurant on top, where rows of bluehairs were eating soup and looking out over the waves. A…
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Music, Bouncer

Romancing the bar at Pop's

For someone who writes a bars and nightlife column, I've always felt a little nervous walking into new places. Depending on the joint's zeitgeist, walking into unknown territory feels like barging into someone's living room, or someone's classroom, or someone's…
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News, Dog Bites

A Psychomagical Encounter

Although Chilean-born director Alejandro Jodorowsky is best known for his psychedelic, violent movies (El Topo, The Holy Mountain), he has also been, at one time or another during his 75 years on Earth, the mime protégé of Marcel Marceau, a…
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Calendar, Night&Day Ain't We Got Fun?

Ain't We Got Fun?

Modern-day amusement parks are a full-scale assault on the senses, with rides zooming past at breakneck speed, the scent of fried food in the air, and happy screams punctuating cheerful carnie music. But despite their high-tech roller coasters, they're hardly…
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Dining, Eat Take a Trip

Take a Trip

When Phillipe called to say that he and Liz were up from L.A. for a few days, we immediately made a date for lunch. "It's funny," I said, "that we actually eat together more now than we did when we…
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Dining, Eat Raise the Bar

Raise the Bar

"Know thyself," the saying goes, and one thing I know is that the sensation of peace and calm that some people say they get in church comes over me most predictably at farmers' markets. Oh, I like going to museums…
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Calendar, Kid Stuff Mars Attacks!

Mars Attacks!

DAILY Tired of Disneyland? Been to the Grand Canyon? Take in a new vacation spot -- Mars. This summer, the red planet's the closest it's been to Earth in 15,000 years, and Oakland's Chabot Space & Science Center is taking…
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