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Film, "Edge of Tomorrow": Tom Cruise's No Good, Very Bad, End-of-All-Life Day

"Edge of Tomorrow": Tom Cruise's No Good, Very Bad, End-of-All-Life Day

Tom Cruise dies over and over again to save the lives of billions in Edge of Tomorrow, a sturdy sci-fi extravaganza (based on Hiroshi Sakurazaka's novel All You Need Is Kill) that functions like a cross between Groundhog Day and…
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Film, "Jack Reacher": Tom Cruise Scores

"Jack Reacher": Tom Cruise Scores

In his 2005 novel One Shot, writer Lee Child lays out nine rules for surviving a five-against-one alley fight, a challenge his hero, the ex-Army cop Jack Reacher, is about to face. These include "Be on your feet and ready."…
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Music, All Shook Down Madge Gets Stupid: Five Dumb Things Madonna Has Said Lately

Madge Gets Stupid: Five Dumb Things Madonna Has Said Lately

When Madonna goes dumb, it's like everything else she does in her life -- she goes for gold. Of course, we know that Madge has had a ton of inspiring, empowering and intelligent moments in the course of her career,…
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Film, "Rock of Ages": Corporate Rock Still Sucks

"Rock of Ages": Corporate Rock Still Sucks

In Rock of Ages, a new star-clogged pop-musical diversion based on a "jukebox musical" where a story is built around an afternoon of VH1 Classics' worth of 1980s hair metal, Tom Cruise has the advantage of playing one of those…
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Culture, The Exhibitionist The 84th Academy Awards: a Timeline

The 84th Academy Awards: a Timeline

People plan parties around this stuff, so we assume you probably watched too. But just in case you didn't, here's a timeline of the 84th Academy Awards ceremony. They make it this long just to mess with us all,…
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Film, "Mission: Impossible--Ghost Protocol": Tom Cruise Lives Another Day

"Mission: Impossible--Ghost Protocol": Tom Cruise Lives Another Day

Like a Hindu's rejuvenating bath in the Ganges, a dip in the Mission: Impossible series serves to wash away perceived doubts about its star's enduring clout. The sustained box office of the M:I series must have something to do with…
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Calendar, Night&Day Truth 1, Evil Empire 0

Truth 1, Evil Empire 0

As far as great and powerful wizards go, L. Ron Hubbard, David Miscavige, and other high-level thetan-counters at the Church of Scientology have at last reached the “pay no attention to the man behind the curtain” phase. High-level defections, public…
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Film, "The Romantics": College friends reunite for bad behavior

"The Romantics": College friends reunite for bad behavior

As Galt Niederhoffer's comedy of no manners begins, seven college friends, now closing in on their 30s, come together for the wedding of two of their clique at the bride-to-be's beachfront family home. Once dubbed "The Romantics" for their share-and-share-alike…
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Film, "Salt": Angelina Jolie is the first ambiguous action heroine

"Salt": Angelina Jolie is the first ambiguous action heroine

Salt, famously the Spy Flick Rewritten for Angelina Jolie after Tom Cruise Dropped Out, has been publicized as the cinematic equivalent of the 19th Amendment: Finally, a level playing field for female action stars! This is mostly bullshit, of course…
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Film, Knight and Day

Knight and Day

You know and love Jason Bourne as an implacable killing machine. But what if he were a mouthy asshole instead? That's the provocative question posed by James Mangold's Knight and Day, which casts Tom Cruise as a Bourne wannabe who…
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Film, From Reverence to Rape

From Reverence to Rape

Will there be a special Academy Award for Best Aryan Costume Design this year? Everywhere you turn in the movies, it's swastika flags and SS uniforms. Although the Holocaust movie has been on hiatus for a while, lately it seems…
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Film, Risky Business

Risky Business

Claus Philipp Maria Schenk Graf von Stauffenberg — a lot of name for a lot of guy. Born into aristocracy in 1907, he was a soldier by the age of 19 and, by most accounts, a warrior with the soul…
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Film, The Man Who Nearly Killed Hitler

The Man Who Nearly Killed Hitler

It's July 20, 1944, and Adolf Hitler has been assassinated — the victim of a bomb blast organized and executed by a cabal of high-ranking German army officers seeking to wrest control of the country from the Third Reich and,…
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Music, All Shook Down Last Night: Artie Lange Leaves ‘Em Laughing at the Masonic Center

Last Night: Artie Lange Leaves ‘Em Laughing at the Masonic Center

Artie Lange Nob Hill Masonic Center September 19, 2008 Review by John Geluardi Comedian Artie Lange took San Francisco by storm Friday night with a cohort of the misguided, mutant and malformed from the Howard Stern Show. Lange was…
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Film, Men Will Be Boys

Men Will Be Boys

I haven't seen much at the movies in the past two years that has given me as much unbridled comic pleasure as the sight of Will Ferrell as the win-at-any-cost NASCAR driver Ricky Bobby, calling on Jesus, Tom Cruise, and…
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Home Entertainment, DVDish Impossibly Passable

Impossibly Passable

Mission: Impossible III: Special Edition (Paramount) On the commentary track, director J.J. Abrams and star Tom Cruise sound like they've fallen in love; you might say they complete each other's sentences, except that's just Cruise interrupting the Alias creator, who…
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Culture, Stagecap

Release the Kraken

If your idea of good Greek theater involves a tremendous bong rip, cracking a cold beer, and having a chance to win an intermission tequila shot with the actor of your choice, then Release the Kraken will knock your toga…
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Film, Kicking French Ass

Kicking French Ass

Let's trade, action fans. Give up all 126 minutes of Mission: Impossible III's digitized bloat and torture games, along with Poseidon's more modest — yet somehow more numbing — 99 minutes in a computer-generated rain barrel. In exchange, you get…
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Music, Bouncer

Drinking with the cat's meow

I've mentioned before that sometimes I envy heroin addicts. Not for the whole monkey-on-me-back-Trainspotting-flesh-eating-bacteria thang, but more for their ability-to-get-that-high-on-a-regular-basis thang. Devil be damned, they probably say, I'm shootin' up and going to my DMV appointment. I got a taste…
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News, Infiltrator

Aliens Beware!

I've seen the summer blockbuster and Tom Cruise vehicle War of the Worlds. Let me tell ya, space aliens are out there, ready to swoop down on Earth, for the sole purpose of: Putting us humans in human space zoos.…
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