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News, Feature Summer Movie Preview: San Francisco Once Again Prepares for Devastation by Blockbuster

Summer Movie Preview: San Francisco Once Again Prepares for Devastation by Blockbuster

5/16 Godzilla Director: Gareth Edwards Cast: Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Elizabeth Olsen, Bryan Cranston, Juliette Binoche Concept: Giant lizard wreaks havoc, as giant lizards do; Golden Gate Bridge once again smashed (see sidebar) as smug untouched Transamerica Pyramid stays out of it.…
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Film, "Pain & Gain": Michael Bay Gets His T&A

"Pain & Gain": Michael Bay Gets His T&A

In the hands of another director, Pain & Gain could well have been an entertaining little caper flick. In the hands of Michael Bay, it's loud and vulgar, as Michael Bay's films are wont to be. There are few of…
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Culture, The Exhibitionist The Top 10 "Wait, What?" Moments from Bad Movie Night, Part 1: A - M

The Top 10 "Wait, What?" Moments from Bad Movie Night, Part 1: A - M

Every Sunday at 8pm at The Dark Room, I run a Mystery Science Theater 3000-type show called Bad Movie Night. It's pretty simple: we show movies, people in the front row with microphones riff on them, and the audience is…
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Culture, The Exhibitionist Ten Great Fake Twitter Accounts

Ten Great Fake Twitter Accounts

Twitter isn't just useful for humblebragging or DMing pictures of your genitals. For nearly as long as there's been a Twitter, there have been clever tricksters using the form to impersonate celebrities, institutions, or even average Americans, to lulzy effect.…
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Film, "Transformers: Dark of the Moon": The Enjoyable Hum of Your Brain Cells Dying

"Transformers: Dark of the Moon": The Enjoyable Hum of Your Brain Cells Dying

The two hours and 34 minutes of Transformers: Dark of the Moon are loaded with unimaginable violence, but only one spasm left the audience speechless at the theater where I watched it. They cheered the robot-on-robot slugfests, rendered in terabyte-straining…
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Culture, The Exhibitionist Five Predictions for J. J. Abrams' New Fox Series <em>Alcatraz</em>

Five Predictions for J. J. Abrams' New Fox Series Alcatraz

Big news for fans of things that start kind of awesome and then have a serious chance of petering out! After a couple of weeks of uncertain wooing, that Alcatraz TV pilot that J.J. Abrams and company shot out…
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Music, All Shook Down The Week In Event Names: Michael Bay Summer Thriller Edition

The Week In Event Names: Michael Bay Summer Thriller Edition

In the spirit of these patriotism-galvanizing times, we've taken the liberty of compiling some of this week's events into a scene-by-scene rundown of a late-summer emotions-and-explosions action flick, in which an alcoholic giant saves San Francisco -- and thus the world…
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Calendar, Night&Day Climactic Change

Climactic Change

Typical long-range thinking about climate change finds the Earth, at some tipping point in the future, bursting into flame, with everybody on it dying in an apocalyptic freak show produced by Michael Bay. But in the book Forecast: The Consequences…
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Calendar, Night&Day Paging Ed Wood

Paging Ed Wood

The sci-fi epic Starslyderz spent four years in post-production, according to a Variety article. No, Michael Bay wasn't attached. But around 150 F/X people found on Craigslist were — that's where the filmmakers found their talent. They also got that…
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Music, All Shook Down

Uwe Boll Vs. Michael Bay: Hollywood Jerks Face Off

Crappy big-budget movie director Uwe Boll (House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark, BloodRayne) has challenged slightly less crappy big-budget movie director Michael Bay (Transformers, Pearl Harbor, Armageddon) to a fight! No, not some sort of drunken back-alley…
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Film, Eye of the Beholder

Eye of the Beholder

At this year's Cannes Film Festival, the American painter turned filmmaker Julian Schnabel (Basquiat, Before Night Falls) won the jury's Best Director award for The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, his French-language adaptation of the best-selling memoir by the late…
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Home Entertainment, DVDish Genuine Fake Robots

Genuine Fake Robots

Transformers (DreamWorks) No doubt, Michael Bay's slam-bang action-figure commercial doesn't play nearly as well on TV, no matter how high or high-def your screen; this demands to be seen on a screen the size of a skyscraper and heard on…
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Film, Send in the Clones

Send in the Clones

It should come as no surprise that the hero and heroine of the new Michael Bay action extravaganza are clones. Exact copies of other people. You don't get to be a Hollywood hitmeister like Bay -- 200 Zillion Tickets Sold!…
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Film,

Second Time Around

Unalloyed Intensity If Sergei Eisenstein were alive today, Marcus Nispel, Michael Bay, and every other hotshot headcase director of TV commercials would be lucky to find a job as a production assistant. Strike, the Soviet master's first feature, released in…
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Film,

Advertisement for Itself

Armageddon Directed by Michael Bay. Written by Jonathan Hensleigh and J.J. Abrams. Starring Bruce Willis, Liv Tyler, Ben Affleck, Steve Buscemi, and Billy Bob Thornton. Opens Wednesday, July 1, at area theaters. Michael Bay is the director of Bad Boys…
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