This morning, 7x7 published a truly hilarious account
of a “non-critic” and her solo dining excursion to Lazy Bear, David Barzelay’s supper club on 19th Street. Because it’s a hyper-communal meal and sitting cheek-by-jowl with strangers can be discomfiting, Ali Wunderman got kinda wasted.
By the end of the meal, she was a little too drunk to record her thoughts in the booklet Lazy Bear provides so diners can remember their dinner. (Although assuming she’s poked around on the tire fire of pettiness and self-aggrandizement that is Yelp, she should know that she’s in the upper quartile of humanity, minimum.) Still, she was happy.
“Not only did they serve an exceptional meal, but they did so in a unique format that defied what I had expected to be hipster nonsense,” Wunderman wrote.
The hipster nonsense reference, plus her doodle of an actual napping bear — "Lazy Bear" being an anagram for the chef’s surname — got us thinking about what would happen if other chefs took the same approach to naming their next projects.
With apologies to Corey Lee and other talented people whose short names don’t rearrange well, and for our pretentious punctuation, we present some possibilities for prominent San Francisco chefs’ and chef teams’ future endeavors. Most are indeed “hipster nonsense,” but one or two approach an absurdist sublime. Enjoy!
Danny Bowien (Mission Chinese Food)
IN BAWDY NEON
Charles Phan (Slanted Door)
Aaron London (AL's Place)
RADON ON LOAN
Michael Chiarello (Coqueta)
CHEMICAL HOLE & LAIR
Gary Danko (Gary Danko)
DRAGON + YAK
Chris Cosentino (Cockscomb)
OSTRICH IN CONES
RIOT ON CHICNESS
I SIN ON CROTCHES
Dominique Crenn (Atelier Crenn)
CONQUER IN DENIM
QUEER MICRON DIN
Michael Mina (Michael Mina)
Cortney Burns & Nick Balla (Bar Tartine)
BLUNT CANON BRICKLAYERS
Brenda Buenviaje (Brenda's French Soul Food, Brenda's Meat & Three)
INJURED VANE BABE
RAVE JABBED ENNUI
Thomas McNaughton (flour + water)
THAT UNCOMMON SHAG
HOT GUNMAN STOMACH
Melissa Perello (Frances, Octavia)
I SMELL PAROLEES
EEL PAIL MORSELS
AMPERES & LOLLIES
Tim & Erin Archuleta (ICHI Sushi + NI Bar, ICHI Kakiya)
CAN'T ERR? HUMILIATE!
LUNCHTIME AIR RATE
Evan & Sarah Rich (Rich Table)
Nicole Krasinski & Stuart Brioza (State Bird Provisions, the Progress)
BRISK SUCKER RATIONALIZATIONS