Whether you're Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, Taoist, Shinto, Shaman, anti-consumerist, or Mr. Grinch, you could be one of the millions who don't leave cookies out for an old fat man who illegally enters your home via fireplace-shimmying. And that's okay!
Because here in America, we're known for our tolerance and acceptance of people who don't share our creepy values. That's a total lie, of course, but if you must escape Christmas madness (Communist!), there are a few places where you can seek shelter from the tyranny of Jingle Bells.
5. Chinese food!
It's so standard that it might actually be part of the Collective American Christmas Experience at this point. If you don't have the image of the family from A Christmas Story being greeted by Peking duck with its head still on ingrained in your mind, you must not own a TV, as that shit plays approximately 10 million times on TNT over the holidays. It's half the reason I'm vegan. Anyway, why not go all out and chow down on dim sum? Our picks are Yank Sing if you want to keep your vegetarian relatives happy, or Hong Kong Lounge if you want to get down and dirty.
4. Chinese Halal!
Seriously, this is some next-level shit. Blow the minds of family and friends by bitch-slapping St. Nick and heading to Old Mandarin Islamic. Plus, there's a dish titled "Extremely Hot Pepper," and how else better to thumb your nose at bland Christmas food than by setting your own mouth on fire?
5. The Kabuki!
Done stuffing your maw with tofu and curried chickpeas? Head to the Kabuki for beer, cookies, and the lastest blockbuster. Or indie flick, if you're classy. Plus, beer in your mug, cookie in hand, you don't need no stinking Santa Claus!
1. Get out of town!
If you want to really escape city madness, what about a quick trip? It could be a day at Stinson Beach, because nothing beats a blanket and a beer at the beach -- and not just because of alliteration -- or you could really get fancy and spend a couple days at Yosemite. There is pretty much nothing more beautiful than the Ahwahnee Hotel over the holidays. I mean, look at that photo! It might as well be Hogwarts! Okay, it might be a little Christmas-y, what with all the lights and cheer, but I've seen menorahs there and screw it, who doesn't love sparkly lights?