What: 2011 NFL Celebrity Servers Event
Where: MATRIX Fillmore
When: Mon., November 7, 7:30 p.m.
The rundown: The Matrix Fillmore adds a side of beefcake to their menu for the 10th annual NFL Celebrity Servers party. You show up, you buy drinks, football players bring them to you on their perfectly sculpted behinds, repeat. It's a charity event, with all proceeds going to the Cancer Prevention Institute of California, so feel free to get blitzed and stick a few dollars down a jockstrap. It's the charitable thing to do!
Which greased-up beau hunks will be attending to your every whim, you ask? They've got San Francisco 49ers Parys Haralson and Patrick Willis, and Oakland Raiders' Taiwan Jones, Jacoby Ford, Lamarr Houston, and Aaron Curry. Those names mean nothing to me because who knows 100% sure what a football even looks like -- a foot? Cheers!