Here's some new burger lingo, courtesy of the new Civic Center-area restaurant Little Griddle: a Lucifer burger. You might think that means flames of hellfire or hot sauce, but gluttony will also get you to hell. In this case, the devil resides in a bacon cheeseburger with a glazed doughnut for the bun.
The Lucifer is the exact opposite order of a "protein style" burger, which can purport to healthiness in an Atkins world because the meat goes inside pieces of lettuce. This is a burger that sweet-talks you into mortal sin.
Yesterday we tried one. It required a lot of preparation: The Devil should not be confronted lightly.
First, we made a gym date with a friend later in the day, to hold ourselves accountable. Second, we didn't eat anything before we arrived for this monstrosity.
Visions from the website This Is Why You're Fat filled our minds, but we were committed to trying this burger.
We arrived at Little Griddle between noon and 2 p.m., the only time of day you can't get breakfast. Because the Devil is always lurking, you can get burgers (but not fries) any time, even at 7 a.m.
We ordered the Lucifer ($8.25). Maybe it was because of the devilish name or the double whammy of a bacon cheeseburger that would hurt our Jewish blood, but we decided to go all out to the dark side and order deep-fried pickles as well.
Was it heavenly intervention? We couldn't have the pickles because Little Griddle hasn't begun making or serving them yet, like, ever. A lot of the menu was like that, covered in paper or able to be seen but not ordered.
There was an empty spot for Spot bagels above a display of square doughnuts. All we got when we questioned these strangely shaped doughnuts is that they are custom-made at a bakery in Millbrae.
After all of our preparations, we took a deep breath when the Lucifer arrived. The square glazed doughnut was cut in half with the glazed side down, touching the beef patty, American cheese, and apple-smoked bacon. The sugar glaze was melted by the hot patty, and all the lovely juices just mixed and oozed down.
Once your hand holds the doughnut burger for a bite, the whole thing just deflates and smushes together. For all our anticipation, it was sort of no big deal to eat at all, just an unmapley McGriddle.
This monstrosity of a burger was more like a Monsters Inc. creature: We looked under the bed and in the empty closet and were no longer scared. We conquered it! One patty, one doughnut cut in half, a few pieces of bacon, and a couple slices of cheese. Puhlease; we can eat that in our sleep. (Is sleep-eating on This Is Why You're Fat?)
Actually, we would love this Lucifer just before bed after a night of drinking. Alas, Little Griddle is only open until 6 p.m. on weekdays and 3 p.m. on weekends, which means one thing: day drinking! Maybe we should have gone to church.
1400 Market (at Fell)