SFoodie's roundup of tips, news, and rants from the week in animal-free eats.
• Scientists just discovered that chickens show empathy. To science I say, NO DOY. But also: Way to come around, better late than never. I remember when I discovered that eating too fast gave me pain in the chest, and then science confirmed that it's a real thing that happens! Of course, science won't stop me from eating too fast again, and it certainly won't stop people from torturing and killing chickens, so really, what's the use?
• The meat industry is struggling with marketing.... It seems they're having a harder time convincing people that dead cow fat is good for their health. Good. And what's with all these slogan changes lately? KFC went from "Finger Lickin' Good" (gross but catchy!) to "So Good" (SO BAD). And the National Pork Board changed their slogan from "The Other White Meat" to "Pork: Be inspired." No, for real; that happened. Are they trying to pull a new Gap logo? Like, we'll all freak out and they get tons of free press and eventually return to their old slogans? I mean, really, what's their game plan here? They can't be that stupid. Or maybe they can and that's awesome news.
There's a depressing chart included in the piece that shows the amount of dead chickens consumed on a steady and dramatic upswing because, you know, it's so much more heart-healthy. When people hear I'm vegan, they always unload their awkward food rules onto me, and one of the most common from women is, "Well, I don't eat red meat." One of the (many) implications here is that they're eating fewer dead animals, but really, they're just eating a shit-ton (technical term) more dead chickens. Oh, and if it's for health, that shit ain't good for you either! I mean, unless you're into hormone and pesticide ingestion. Then it's really good for you!
Apparently Brazilian beef is having a greater impact on the environment than we realized, and it was already devastating. Ugh, awful. The most damning sentence is near the end: "By 2050, global meat consumption is expected to have increased by almost 80 per cent, which will require more grazing land and increased soy cultivation." EIGHTY PERCENT. And you all know that most soy is fed to animals, not made into tofu for vegans, right? So the next time you bitch about soy crops, check your hamburger. The world, it is fucked.
• The New York Times is encouraging you to go vegan for Lent. And I am encouraging you to stay vegan after, as well. Team work!
• I'm speaking at SXSW about online vegan activism. If you're gonna be there, come see me and buy me lunch! I'm poor! Speaking of you buying me lunch (you're the best!), check out this vegan food guide to SXSW that Lazy Vegan Smurf (who is the host of the talk I'm in!) put together. Fair warning to the breakfast tacos, popcorn tofu po' boys, and seitan quesadillas of Texas, watch your (delicious) backs!
• New veg restaurant Source opened last Wednesday. It looks coo-coo bananas and I can't wait to eat my way through the massive menu. Who's taking me?! I ask this every week about one thing or another and I never hear from any of you losers. I am starting to think you don't find me attractive!
• A vegan won Food Network's Cupcake Wars again! Yes! VegNews has an exclusive interview with the winner, Doron Petersan from Washington D.C.'s Sticky Fingers Bakery. Damn, vegans cannot stop winning on this show! The only thing wrong with this story is that they didn't bake me into a cake and have me jump out of it for the judges. I'd do the whole Marilyn Monroe "Happy Birthday, Mr. President" thing for the head judge, and after the audience hysteria subsided, I'd shimmy throughout the studio and pass out cake (sexily). The cops would call it a magical and highly sanitary night to remember! Oh well, next time ... call me!