It's official. The Oscars have finally crash-landed into the 21st century and the results are record breaking.
And by crash-landed we don't mean Gravity, the sci-fi epic which took home the most awards of the night with seven, including a historic win for Alfonso Cuaron as best director -- the first Latin-American to ever win in that category. Nor is it a reference to 30 Seconds to Mars frontman Jared Leto who won best supporting actor for his inspired work in Dallas Buyers Club -- also historic as he's the first 30 Seconds to Mars member to ever win in that category. Progress.
Instead it's a nod to a moment of sheer genius that set the social media world ablaze when host Ellen DeGeneres made history as she gathered some of Hollywood's most elite and took the selfie to end all selfies. In just under an hour, said photo broke the record previously held by President Barack Obama to become the most retweeted photograph ever. By the end of the telecast, which clocked in at a few minutes past eternity, the figure stood at more than two million retweets.
That number pales in comparison though to some of the salaries on display in that snapshot, including box office heavyweights Jennifer Lawrence, Meryl Streep, Julia Roberts, Bradley Cooper and Brangelina, but still served as a highlight to an otherwise predictable show.
Want more highlights? Here's 10:
Most Unfortunate Recurring Theme: Frozen
And by frozen we don't mean the Disney flick, although it did win two awards including best animated feature. Sadly, this award goes to the motionless and oh-so-tight faces of presenters Kim Novak, Goldie Hawn and John Travolta. Perhaps they're all auditioning for the Joker or perhaps they were stung by bees -- over and over and over again. In any case, just look away because it's not polite to stare.
Best Hipster Moment: Karen O and Ezra Koenig perform "The Moon Song"
Now this is hipster done right. The Yeah Yeah Yeahs chanteuse and Vampire Weekend crooner gave a simple yet heartfelt performance of the nominated song from Her. Every detail in this performance screamed cute from Koenig's quiet harmonies to O's cleverly-placed heels and that E.T.-fly-home moon in the background.
Cutest Speech: Robert Lopez and Kristin Anderson-Lopez
Our award for cutest speech also goes to the cutest couple. This husband and wife team won best original song for "Let It Go" from Frozen and it's only fitting that they, well, sing an original song for their speech. Side note: Robert Lopez became only the 12th person to enter the esteemed EGOT club. His awards mantle now boasts an Emmy, a Grammy, an Oscar and a Tony, or in other words, the holy guad-fecta of entertainment.
Best Jackass: Spike Jonze
This is not at all of sign of disrespect. Some of us at SF Weekly actually bow at the altar of Spike Jonze, but it's fact that he's one of the creators of Jackass which in turn makes him the first jackass to win an Oscar as he deservedly took home best original screenplay for Her. Congrats jackass.
Worst Jackass: Bad Grandpa
Jonze wasn't the only jackass up for an Oscar last night. Stephen Prouty was nominated for best makeup for Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa but rightfully lost to Adruitha Lee and Robin Mathews of Dallas Buyers Club. Sorry jackass, but these ladies also get an honorable mention for Best Return on a $250 Investment. That was their entire budget for makeup and in turn they won Oscars.
(Editorial note: The above was just an excuse for us to excessively use the word jackass.)
Most random nod to San Francisco: John Stamos
At some point in the night the camera panned to John Stamos of Full House fame and left those of us who caught the quick take wondering, "What the heck is Uncle Jesse doing at the Oscars?" Seriously, does anyone know?
Most Graceful: Lupita Nyong'o
Take notes, Jennifer Lawrence. This is how you manage to not trip on your way to the Oscar podium. Ms. Nyong'o clearly wins MVP for the overall 2014 awards season but it's her ascent to collect her best supporting actress prize for 12 Years a Slave that solidifies her status as Hollywood royalty. Look at the way she manages to seamlessly float her way up those stairs with no hesitation. Now that's a star. Swoon.
Best F.U. to Howard Stern: Gabourey Sidibe
Before Lupita and J. Law, there was Gabourey Sidibe who became the most unlikely starlet to emerge from the 2010 awards season when she was nominated for her breakthrough role in Precious. She didn't win the Oscar but it didn't mean Hollywood was ready to brush her aside so quickly, that is unless you're Howard Stern, who ridiculed Sidibe's weight and deemed her unemployable by Hollywood standards.
Sidibe might not have the same job opportunities as her skinnier counterparts but there she is four years later gainfully employed and presenting at the Oscars alongside Anna Kendrick. Take that, you meanie. Jackass. (Sticks tongue out and runs away.)
Best Shimmy-and-a-Shake: Pharrell Williams and Meryl Streep
In an attempt to outdo his knockout performance with Daft Punk from a few weeks ago at the Grammys, Pharrell did good by getting down with audience members Lupita Nyong'o, Amy Adams and most memorably Meryl Streep during his performance of "Happy" from Despicable Me 2 . Now lose the silly hat. It's the Oscars, not an ode to the guy on the Quaker Oats logo.
Best Hashtag: #SuckIt
This one also wins for best inside joke. In her best actress acceptance speech for Blue Jasmine, Cate Blanchett curiously addressed Julia Roberts and dead-panned, "Julia, hashtag suck it. You know what I mean." This led our Pretty Woman into one of her usual laugh attacks but left the rest of us asking, "What does she mean?"
Blanchett played coy backstage and said it was a private moment shared with Roberts at the bar. Somethings we'll just never know.
That's all, folks. Here's looking ahead to Oscars 2015. Alright, alright, alright.