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Thursday, January 9, 2014

The Real World Ex-Plosion: San Francisco, Open your Golden Gates

Posted By on Thu, Jan 9, 2014 at 10:35 AM

click to enlarge Real World 29 cast: Ex-Cessive - BLOG.ZAP2IT.COM
  • Real World 29 cast: Ex-Cessive

Oh, MTV. How hard can it be to create quality crap programming instead of crap crap programming? You seem to know the difference because you brought us The Jersey Shore (that would be "quality crap," in case you were wondering).

The newest season of The Real World, number 29 -- zoiks, takes place in S.F., so of course I'm going to watch it. I also went and visited the "house" they filmed it in on Sutter at the end of filming. I saw the cobbled together set with its token primary colors and plenty of nookie nooks, met the cast members, and even signed an "embargo," as they call it, saying I would not reveal the season's "big" secret. It turns out the big secret is in the name of the show itself, so isn't much of a secret. It's the Ex-Plosion factor -- halfway through the season they are going to bring in everyone's exes and make them all live together. This will be, of course, only after they have already paired up with other cast members so as to create tension, drama, and hopefully massive bitchiness.

But here's what's missing so far: All the magic of the old Real World. The pacing is faster, the colors more garish, the housemates less flawed. MTV wants fucking, and lots of it. Everyone was chosen based on his or her bang-a-bility, unlike past seasons of yore where it was a mixture of all sorts of people. This is apparently the "make it or break it" season of the show; the franchise's ratings have been sliding for years. If 29 doesn't pull in the numbers it will be the end of The Real World, and maybe that's not such a bad thing.

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The opener had its Snooki moment already with a girl who loves to say she's a "local" and is an obnoxious drunk who alienated the entire house immediately. We also found out that one of the guys is a rich kid, a big-boobied blonde is hung up on her ex, and there is a lesbian who makes horror movies and models (Arielle is actually really rad in real life, I met her and spent a long time talking).

Frankly I was sort of shocked that they didn't do something more maverick in their casting choices. This is San Francisco, dammit. How hard would it have been to have a transgendered person or even a drag queen? But that would've messed up their central focus, which is young, horny people who can interchangeably screw one another and then get gobsmacked when their ex shows up. No realness allowed.

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Katy St. Clair


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