Get SF Weekly Newsletters

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Color Me Bad: Holiday Coloring Book Made for Adults That You can Appreciate All Year

Posted By on Thu, Jan 2, 2014 at 10:03 AM

click to enlarge coloringbook.jpg

Ever envy kids? Sure you have. Just look at them in relation to Christmas. They're high off sugar, drunk off eggnog, and absolutely giddy with the delusional belief that Santa Claus brought all those expensive gifts... overnight... through the chimney.

We don't even have a chimney!

Now look at them in relation to their coloring books. They're again high off sugar, drunk off some brightly colored beverage, and still absolutely delusional if they actually believe for one second that Dorothy's slippers are any other color but red.

And yet you can't turn away because they're carefree with no technique, no scruples, all nonsense and dammit -- where's our coloring book? You see, we know something the kids don't: irreverence.

That's right. We have a lot to say as adults and polite superficial chit chat just doesn't cut it anymore. Political correctness be damned. Give us Crayola!

Ryan Hunter and Taige Jensen's Coloring for Grown-Ups Holiday Fun Book is the ultimate gift for nice adults with a naughty and unapologetic sense of humor.

Quick! Who will never be president? The latino, the woman, the Muslim, the homosexual or the bald guy?

Offended? Then turn away and go play with the Etch-A-Sketch. This isn't for you.

If delighted, then turn to page 13 and start coloring in which minority group you think will never be top dog in the White House.

click to enlarge page 13
  • page 13

It's all in good fun, right? Perhaps it's time adults took back ownership of their refrigerators' art. Your kids didn't buy that Kenmore. You did!

No more drawings of silly stick people. Instead map out your New Year's walk-of-shame (page 3), draw genitals on the snowman (or woman -- depending on your preference, page 48) and create next season's ugly Christmas sweater (page 47).

Your niece's three-legged unicorn drawing can go next to her uncle's slutty Halloween costume design (page 34).

click to enlarge page 34
  • page 34

click to enlarge page 28
  • page 28

click to enlarge page 21
  • page 21

click to enlarge page 8
  • page 8

For events in San Francisco this week and beyond, check out our calendar section. Follow us on Twitter at @ExhibitionistSF, Jonathan at @jonramos17, and like us on Facebook.

  • Pin It

About The Author

Jonathan Ramos

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Popular Stories

  1. Most Popular Stories
  2. Stories You Missed

Like us on Facebook

Slideshows

  • clipping at Brava Theater Sept. 11
    Sub Pop recording artists 'clipping.' brought their brand of noise-driven experimental hip hop to the closing night of 2016's San Francisco Electronic Music Fest this past Sunday. The packed Brava Theater hosted an initially seated crowd that ended the night jumping and dancing against the front of the stage. The trio performed a set focused on their recently released Sci-Fi Horror concept album, 'Splendor & Misery', then delved into their dancier and more aggressive back catalogue, and recent single 'Wriggle'. Opening performances included local experimental electronic duo 'Tujurikkuja' and computer music artist 'Madalyn Merkey.'"