In "One More Weekend with You," Parenthood teaches us an important lesson: Children are terrible.
Julia and Joel take Sydney to one of Victor's baseball games and she contorts her face with ugly entitlement at having to watch the game instead of going ice skating as she wanted. But when Victor announces that the team has (finally!) invited him for post-game burgers, Sydney whines about delaying her rink trip even longer. Anyone who bristles at the idea of a free burger and shake can just skate off the face of the earth, in my opinion.
At the burger place, Victor yells at Sydney for brazenly walking up to the team and gobbling up their fries, and when Julia and Joel softly reprimand her, Sydney loses her shit. She screams that Victor is not her brother, that she hates him, and he doesn't let her do anything. A fellow baseball dad asks Joel, "Is she adopted too?" Nah, that's just the Braverman hyperbole gene, in full effect. Joel's fake laugh and smile reaction is priceless though. It's the only appropriate response to a hellion child and a dickish joke from another parent.
Later that night, Sydney stomps down the stairs with a rolling suitcase -- which just shows her complete disregard for any other human being -- and announces that she's running away. Julia and Joel rightly laugh at her when she says she's going to flee via taxi, funded by her piggy bank savings. Sydney says they're mean, saying she was "here" first and that Victor gets all of their time. And then Princess Sydney orders for a peasant village to be burned and razed. When she is of age, she will marry Joffrey from Game of Thrones and they will have marathon sneer-offs that result in someone's death. Doesn't matter whose death.
Julia and Joel have one of their earnest parent discussions and realize that they've shortchanged Sydney on some alone time. They take her ice skating and explain to her how cool it is to have a brother and that Victor is part of the family. Sydney has mellowed out considerably at this point and readily agrees. See? All you have to do is cater to your child's every whim and ignore their irrational, selfish tirades.
Another questionable Braverman child stirs up trouble at Mark and Sarah's. Mark has the unfortunate luck of walking in on Drew and Amy having sex and then has an awkward talk with Drew about responsible sex practices. He asks Drew if he's being safe and then if he's using condoms -- Drew's awesome, true-to-life response: "I thought that's what 'safe' meant." -- and also if Amy is on birth control and how many partners she's had. Before he can ask for her most recent pap results, Drew asks that Mark not tell Sarah about what had just transpired. Mark uncomfortably agrees as he's still in the phase of trying to get Drew to warm up to him. Drew's not that savvy though, because he later asks Sarah to borrow the car to see Amy and Sarah goes into hover mode wanting to know when they got together and what happened to Camp Dude. Before we know it, Mark tells Sarah about walking in on them, the very thing he had promised not to do.
Sarah wants to know why Drew is keeping the details of his sex life from his mother and at work, Hank confirms that she is batshit for thinking Drew would ever want to voluntarily divulge those details to her. Sarah is also upset with Mark for keeping secrets and Mark is upset because he wanted to take the lead on handling the situation. However, she ends up apologizing to Mark because she's not used to co-parenting (sad, considering she used to have a husband) and Mark says he's still trying to find a way to fit into the family.
Sarah's other kid Amber is faring slightly better. New boyfriend Ryan comes over to tell her he has to cancel their dinner plans to attend the funeral of his military buddy Evan in Bakersfield. Amber offers to go with him, accidentally saying "It could be fun" before quickly realizing that funerals are not fun. On the road, Ryan says that his friend died here in the States from an "accident." But at the pre-funeral gathering at a Bakersfield motel, one surly friend dismisses the hero worship of Evan considering that he "took the coward's way out." So, we all deduced that he committed suicide from the beginning of the episode, but it's not revealed until after Ryan serves Surly Guy a beatdown and Amber gets a hard look at his post-war rage. Afterward, Ryan apologizes and says if she doesn't want to see him anymore, he understands. She says she's not going anywhere but finally asks if Evan killed himself. Ryan confirms it and then lets her know that he's not going to turn out like Evan. On the way home, Ryan thanks her for participating in an intense, depressing weekend with him. Amber then takes them on a detour and the two frolic on a beach with the sun setting. Any excuse to get Ryan to take his shirt off, eh Amber? Well played.
Finally, we get to a multi-arc story involving Jasmine and Crosby and Adam and Kristina. Jasmine lovingly wakes Crosby up with gentle kisses, because she's like Guy Pearce from Memento and starts each day not remembering a damn thing about her life. She asks him to help her set up for the party that she's throwing at the house for some parents from school. Crosby complains about having to help, particularly when he doesn't know/like any of the guests and that this is one weekend to relax. Jasmine calls him a freeloader and Crosby calls her a dictator. At the party, Jasmine is a smiling hostess and gets visibly annoyed when she sees Crosby getting all the guests amped up with drinks and his curated playlists.
Meanwhile, Adam and Kristina are freaking out because Max's friend Micah is being dumped on them for a sleepover so his parents can go to Vegas. Kristina didn't want to tell them that she has cancer so she agreed. Adam gives Micah's parents a look that can only be translated as "I hope Circus Circus collapses upon you." Max is extra insufferable, telling a crying Nora to shut up, watching with apathy as Otis pees on the rug, and basically being the worst friend ever to Micah. By the way, can we throw Micah a bone here? Is there some television rule that states that because he's in a wheelchair, his only social outlet is Max Braverman?
Kristina, having just started chemotherapy, turns pale and vomits on the stairs as she tries to make it to her room to rest. Adam tries to handle all the children and keep Max out of their room. However, Max -- feeling indignant about ... something -- runs in and they find Kristina on the floor of their bathroom, shaking and sweating. Max says Kristina looks "disgusting" and at this point, I wish Parenthood were on cable so I could hear Adam finally use a string of expletives. Adam decides to grab all the kids and head over to Jasmine and Crosby's. He pulls Crosby into the bedroom and asks him for pot. Crosby pretends to be offended that Adam would immediately assume he had pot in the first place. Why, Crosby? You'd be offended that you were actually useful in some capacity? They root through drawers -- a weird moment, Adam plays with Jasmine's underwear -- and Crosby finally finds his stash which he warns Adam is high grade, genetically engineered weed.
Jasmine, after scolding Adam about nosing in her lingerie drawer, and Crosby return to the party and see guests out, feeling like it was a success. Crosby apologizes for being him and says he actually didn't hate some of the guests. Jasmine tells him to clean up while she takes a hot bath but inexplicably invites him to join her if he finishes up early. Maybe she stays with him for the good weed.
Adam returns home and rolls a joint for Kristina. She takes a hit and says "It's strong" right before promptly taking another. She says she feels better, asks Adam to save the pot, and then falls asleep peacefully. The next morning, Adam plops next to her in bed after finally getting rid of Micah. He tells Kristina that Micah's parents won $1,000 and brought the cast of Zumanity back to their hotel, the "naked people circus." Kristina gets a good chuckle and it's a bright spot for a couple that is being run ragged. She says she'll need more weed -- perhaps a commentary on the federal crackdown of medical marijuana businesses in the East Bay? -- and thanks Adam for taking care of her, calling him the "best husband in the world." Personally, I reserve that title for Joel. Kristina realizes she can't power through chemo easily and that she's not Wonder Woman. Adam says, "You are to me."
Okay, fine. Adam, you're the best husband in the world.
Parenthood airs on Tuesdays at 10 p.m. PST on NBC.