We're not the type of person to harp on slutty Halloween costumes. We frankly don't give a damn about whether you think wearing a silver bikini makes you an "astronaut" because, let's be honest, Halloween is a holiday about getting laid, just like New Year's Eve, and National Feral Cat Day. If slutting up Big Bird helps you accomplish that, then, well, we can't say we applaud it, but we do understand. With that in mind, we present to you the most downright laughable "sexy" Halloween costumes this year. Because now we have uncomfortable images of Sesame Street characters in our head and we don't want to be the only ones.
10. Bert and Ernie
Let's, just for a moment, recall what Bert and Ernie, actually look like.
They have turtlenecks, a unibrow (or no eyebrows at all), a tuft of troll hair, and noses as big as their repressed homosexuality. Pretty much the least sexy combination imaginable, right? Wrong. Muppets may be made out of felt, but that doesn't mean they don't want to be felt up. Witness:
What we really want to know is what guy would cop to wanting to do a girl dressed as a children's puppet. That's pretty much asking for an uncomfortable conversation.
9. Sexy Hamburger
For those who've never actually seen a hamburger.
8. Sexy Angry Bird
We're pretty sure this is a subtly altered Slutty Mrs. Claus costume, and on some level, their recycling efforts appeal to our San Francisco sensibilities. We'll leave it at that.
7. Sexy Honey Badger
First of all, honey badger is already sexy, so the sexy in the title is redundant. Second, this is soooo last year. Third, the fact that you need a button that says "honey badger" to denote what the costume is renders it ridiculous.
6. Sexy Dinosaur
This actually took us a minute. We mistakenly thought this was a "sexy girl being eaten by a piranha" due to the hood and the teeth going all Edward Scissorhands on her face. Now that we think about it, that'd be a better costume than this one. Not that we wouldn't fuck a Triceratops if worse came to worse ... because, well, three horns!