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Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Year's Worst Movie Gets Year's Best Movie Review

Posted By on Wed, Aug 22, 2012 at 7:30 AM

click to enlarge knightknifhgt.jpg

We here at the Exhibitionist are honored to give Chris Packham the "Best Movie Review of 2012" award for his surprisingly kind review Village Voice of Knight Knight, a movie playing one week in one theater.

In a scant 276 words, Packham manages to work in baby punching, Perez Hilton, and sociopaths, all while shaming us for not finishing the Great American novel we keep meaning to write. To understand what he was up against, first check out the movie's trailer:

And here's Packham's review in all its glory:

"When you're young and stupid, it's kind of fun to pump your shotgun and take dead aim at barrel-dwelling fish or the sides of barns, because sociopaths love easy targets, and pretty much all dumb kids are sociopathic, right? And then you grow up and develop empathy and start to realize that you actually like people, more or less. And maybe, with the benefit of experience or whatever, you also start to realize that when the project you're working on isn't good, it's really easy to quit. In fact, people suck at anything they do the first or second time, so actually finishing your painting or your novel or your not-terribly-good film is really brave. This is not sarcasm. Knight Knight, a medieval farce by first-time feature director Christina Bucher, is a big, fat, easy target: Two trainee knights, Gilbert (David Wayman) and Edgar (Tom Eykelhof), unemployed after the never-explained death of their squire, take jobs at the underpopulated castle of King Vincent of Essex (Nick Von Schlippe). Tasked with guarding the room in which Vincent has imprisoned Princess Katrina (played by Bucher), they're forced to effect a rescue. And there's no gentle way to put this: It's a poorly scripted muddle of painfully drawn-out and unfunny scenes performed by amateur actors with the broadness of the skits on Sabado Gigante. But it's well-intentioned, shot in an actual castle, and it's finished. How's that novel in your Documents folder coming along? Making fun of such an inoffensive, amateurish production would be easy and mean, like punching a baby, and what, are we perezhilton.com all up in here?"

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About The Author

Matt Saincome

Matt Saincome

Bio:
Matt Saincome is SF Weekly's former music editor.

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