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Monday, February 6, 2012

5 Hilarious Images of Social Media From Free Jehovah's Witness Magazine

Posted By on Mon, Feb 6, 2012 at 7:00 AM

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Your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from Golden State thrift stores, estate sales, and flea markets handed to him at the train station.

Awake! magazine

Date: February, 2012
Publisher: Watchtower Bible and Tract Society of Pennsylvania
Questions This Cover Raises: "What Should You Know About Social Networking?" and, in tiny type at the bottom, "How Should We Pray to God?" Ping Him!

A chipper little magazine that at first seems to be about what a joy it is not to be asleep, Awake! is the fun younger sister to the dour old maid that is The Watchtower, which claims to be the world's most widely read magazine thanks to the seven million or so Jehovah's Witnesses who go door to door gathering subscribers. The distribution system is like Grit's or Girl Scout Cookies or the fundraisers my high school ran to pay for proms, except instead of prizes or a DJ your reward for moving magazines is not going to hell.

They also give out Awake!, which I guess is meant to make the faith seem more cheerful than what The Watchtower does. Compare the current covers:

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2. Even as studies reveal that Americans are incapable of safely operating motor vehicles while sending text messages, African women can SMS while balancing fruit on their heads.
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​Note that her network includes a med student, a young woman who is Googling "how to resist eating this muffin," and a musical theater costume designer's idea of a farmer.

3. Social networking takes two steps.
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Seriously, that's Awake!'s entire list. ​4. Privacy is a concern. Also, it feels really creepy to do social networking in a room where you've put up paranoid-eye wallpaper.
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Other Questions They Should Answer:
Will the World's End Reduce Your Number of Twitter Followers? 
What Should I Do if The God of Love Defriends Me?
Igloos: What Wireless Plan Works Best?


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