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Friday, October 14, 2011

1953's "100-Point Behavior Test for Teen-Agers" Thinks You're a Whore

Posted By on Fri, Oct 14, 2011 at 7:30 AM

click to enlarge studies_in_crap_george_w_crane.jpg

Each Friday, your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in forgotten and bewildering crap culled from Golden State basements, thrift stores, estate sales, and flea markets.

100 Point Behavior Test for Teenagers

Author: George W. Crane, PhD, MD

Date: 1953

Publisher: George W. Crane, PhD, MD

Representative Quote:

"Your score on this test is based on your 'usual' or typical behavior; not on an isolated example. Thus, a person who says 'Darn it' when he strikes his thumb with a hammer is not necessarily addicted to excessive use of slang."
Like some ambitious Lucy Van Pelt, Dr. George W. Crane offered bizarre and sometimes cruel psychological advice to anyone who could pony up some pocket change.

For just twenty cents - four of the nickels Lucy demanded - Dr. Crane would mail troubled American one of his many ostensibly helpful pamphlets. Each proclaiming his many credentials on the cover, these bore names like "How to Operate Your Home on a Budget," "Sex Problems of Young People," "Tests for Husbands and Wives," and this nasty gem:

click to enlarge studies_in_crap_george_w_crane_sex_differences.jpg

We'll get to the test for teens momentarily, but first, to understand the man behind it, here's a sampling of "Sex Differences Between Men and Women & Nagging Wives," which is not at all about the men/woman/nagging wife threesome its title suggests. Instead, its a two-fer: Crane's thoughts on sex differences followed by his professional opinion on the subject of nagging - or "sexually unsatisfied" - wives:

"Woman will subconsciously try to irritate their husbands into laying their hands upon them. They crave physical contact even if they must provoke the husbands to anger. They don't always want a complacent type of man across the table. They often want he-man contact."
Also:
"The Taming of the Shrew is an excellent case in point. These shrews can be made into loving, devoted mates if they are fed caresses and satisfactory sexual indulgences."
And:
"They crave caveman tactics. More husbands have lost their wives entirely through meekness than through violence and physical beatings administered to women."
(Note: This is not the city charter of Topeka, Kansas.)

Anyway, that's worth bearing in mind when subjecting yourself to Dr. Crane's evaluation below.

I found his "100 Point Behavior Test for Teenagers" leaflet tucked inside a copy of his larger pamphlet, Sex Education From 2 to 20 Years, which I swear to cover eventually.

His bear that in mind when Dr. Crane's evaluation.

click to enlarge studies_in_crap_george_w_crane_test_1.jpg

He asks you to consider a list of behavioral merits and demerits, and to score yourself for each that you routinely exhibit. Among the merits:

  • "Plays a musical instrument."
  • "Teaches a Sunday School class."
  • "Can typewrite by the touch system."
  • "Depends on an alarm clock instead of mamma to get u in the morning."
  • "Abides by standard cllege curfew - not over than 2 late dates per week."

Interesting, but like most moralists Dr, Crane is more inspired assailing vice than celebrating virtue. From his list of demerits:

  • "Careless about flushing toilets."
  • "'Sticky fingered' - steals."
  • "Reads obscene literature or carries nude pictures to show friends."
  • "Fails to clean comb after using it."
  • "Careless about personal cleanliness - 'B.O.', dandruff, halitosis, etc."
  • "Does unnecessary work on the Sabbath, as homework, etc.)"
  • "A bedwetter."
  • "Sassy or impolite."
  • "Shows race, religious, or color prejudice."

At first I found that last one encouragingly high minded for 1953. Then I realized that Dr. Crane is against "show"ing racial prejudice - but he has nothing to say here about harboring it.

For most merits and demerits, you score one point. Then, you subtract your demerits from your merits to arrive at a score.

Some behaviors count for more. "Regular church attendance" is a 10 point merit, while showing prejudice is a demerit of five, meaning going to services is worth twice as much hatred as you can muster. But "Illicit sexual relations" will sink you for twenty, which is interesting: in '53, doin' it was four time worse than racism.

The complete test is on the next page, just after the self-promotional links below. See how you do! I scored 9 points, which makes me, in Dr. Crane's scheme, an emotional kindergartner.

--

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The mighty Studies in Crap e-mail list alerts you whenever a new SiC post hits. Sign up at studiesincrap@sfweekly.com.

Here's another SiC examination of Dr. Crane pamphlets.

And next is the complete "100-Point Behavior Test for Teen-Agers."

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Alan Scherstuhl

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