I recently fell victim to the Facebook scam that promised to tell me what my first status update was. It was most certainly not, "I hate homework hehe." Then it spammed all my friends. But I wanna know still! Does Facebook have the capacity to tell me what my old statuses were? Aside from painstakingly scrolling back through the years, that is.
~Want Statuses Stat
I tried that once. I got to about January 2011 before I got fed up and quit scrolling. Luckily for both of us, there is a non-spammy app you can sync with Facebook to find out stats about your statuses. It is creatively called Status Statistics, and it can tell you things like how often you post, what words you used most often, as well as a search function that allows you to see how you really felt about homework in 2007 or equivalent. It's fairly limited as an app, but I did learn that my most popular status was: "I feel cheated out of the glorious power that is DENYING a Facebook friend request now that my only option is 'not now.' Not now? You have a headache, Facebook?" And that my most used "word" was http, followed closely by I'm. Riveting, yeah?
For the record, don't download any of these applications: I See Old Status, Oldest Update Now, or Smart Statuses. They're all spam.
While we're on the topic, though, here are some other nifty Facebook tips to have in your arsenal to impress or piss off your friends.
If you love Facebook IM, but don't relish your hipster neighbor always chatting you about how much he loves Annie Hall, simply go to the chat box at the bottom right corner of the screen, click on Friend Lists and create a new one. Call it something like "Denied" or "Hell Naw" and add that person to it. Then, in the chat box, you'll see a little toggle bar. Switch it to off and that friend list will no longer see you're online.
And fine, here's the code for making a pile of poop appear in g-chat: ~@~ You're welcome.
Update Facebook Using Twitter
Kill two birds with one whale by using the Selective Tweets application. Once your accounts are synced, any Tweet you write that includes the #fb tag will automatically be posted as a Facebook status. I find this far preferable to the apps that sync every single Tweet to Facebook, not only because people tend to post way more updates to Twitter, but because with all the hashtags and @ symbols, it's more obnoxious to read. #Obvs
Schedule Your Statuses
You can already do this with some Twitter-synced applications like HootSuite, StumbleUpon, and Tweet Deck, but I also just love the name of this one: Later Bro. It's easy to set up and quick. So if you're not going to be around for peak Facebook time (around 3pm Eastern Standard Time, according to this study), but still want your voice to be heard by the masses, you can rest easy with Later Bro.
Flip Your Shit Upside Down!
Tag, You're It
Because I still see people making this mistake, here's how to tag someone in an FB status. Type the @ sign in your status box, then the first few letters of the person's name you want to tag. Facebook will usually correctly pick the person it thinks you're tagging. Once you see their name, click on it, and it will show up as a blue hyperlink in your status. You cannot tag someone in a comment, so don't try that, it's an embarrassment to us all.